subject: Relationship Commitment: A Common Theme In Marriage Counseling Books [print this page] Commitment to a relationship is a very basic requirement if any suggestions on improving a marriage can be helpful. As should be obvious, failure to commit to making a relationship work means there is going to be little effort put into any suggested ways of improving the marriage. As a minster once told me, A relationship is never over until one of the partners quits trying.
In any relationship, there are areas on which will never be agreement. However, in most of those cases it is possible to agree to simply disagree. Yet there may be some areas in which one partner cannot simply disagree and allow the relationship to continue. For example, abusive behavior toward ones partner or ones children is likely to be an area that most people would agree should not be tolerated.
If there are issues that one partner cannot tolerate, then the next question is whether the partner is willing and able to change the patterns. Many people have seen lip service given to a willingness to change with little actual long term improvement being seen. Thus, it is helpful to have some way of determining the true potential for change in ones partner under such circumstances.
Traditional marriage counseling books do not actually provide much guidance in evaluating potential for a partners change. So where does one go to find such information? A possible source is based on a new understanding of the way the brain operates and how this leads to specific relationship behavior patterns.
The Clinical Biopsychological approach has proposed that people can be divided into Type-G (Giver) and Type-T (Taker) patterns. The newest book is called For Better or for Worse: Am I in Love with a Giver or a Taker? Despite it not being one of the traditional marriage counseling books, it can specifically address a partners behavior pattern and the likelihood of possible change.
In reality, once one better understands why a partner does as they do and how to most effectively deal with the behaviors, it is possible to then incorporate information from any number of marriage counseling books. Obviously, the other alternative is to seek professional guidance in dealing with commitment issues. It is never easy to decide whether it is time to finally quit trying.
