subject: givers And Takers: Terms Used By Many Are Completely Different Within A Clinical Biopsychologi [print this page] Simply doing an internet search for givers and takers will result in an enormous number of hits. These terms have been used by many authors, typically referring to behaviors and giving a value judgment that being one is somehow better than the other. The terms have been used in both spiritual and secular contexts.
An alternative approach has emerged from a deeper understanding of the way the brain is organized and guides everyone in their relationships. Based on the Dimensional Systems Model of cortical functioning, the Clinical Biopsychological approach emerged. In this regard, the terms refer to the motivational rules, not simply the behaviors.
Both givers and takers may behaviorally give and take at times in relationships, though the motivation is completely different for each. Givers experience positive feelings when they give in a way they have learned to do so, while takers experience negative feelings when they give. If that is true, it should be easy to see why givers give more than they take, while takers do not. However, takers may times have to give so that they can receive more.
Dr. Robert A. Moss has written extensively on givers and takers in all relationships. He has published professional articles and presented workshops in the U.S. and Europe on Clinical Biopsychology and the new brain model. In this context, both givers and takers are trying to accomplish the same goal: having more positive and fewer negative emotions. It is simply the fact that they do this in opposite ways, but both are equally selfish.
If this is accepted, then judgment about the desirability of each type is removed. A person does only what he or she is capable of doing. However, do not confuse acceptance with condoning. As Robert A. Moss notes in his books and CDs, the goal in any relationship is for both parties to have more positive and fewer negative emotions.
Dr. Robert A. Moss has a detailed website on which the new concepts are discussed. He will soon start a blog for professional, secular, and Christian audiences. There are also connections to the radio programs he has done in which givers and takers are discussed.
