subject: Between Business And The Kids - How To Find Time For Your Marriage [print this page] As women and mom entrepreneurs there are so many things to juggle - work, kids, marriage, self, friendships, spirit and family. Keeping them all going is a challenge and one that requires consciousness and compassion.
The truth is over the past few months my focus has been more on my business and my kids than on my marriage, and we've all suffered. From conversations with many, I don't think that I'm alone in this. It's a BIG problem for busy couples, especially with the financial pressures to make a business work. Raising your kids and running a business can quickly take a toll on your marriage. You may feel like you HAVE to go to an important meeting with a new client or go to your son's first baseball game but it's okay to skip that lunch date with your husband - he'll understand. But too quickly it becomes routine to put your marriage too far down on your list of priorities.
Here are a few suggestions that I'm beginning to put in place because I'm committed to making my marriage work, and want to support those of you in a similar place:
Get Him Involved in Your Business
You can't expect your husband to be involved with your business if he doesn't know anything about it. This is more than just sharing your basic business plan, talk to him about your vision - and why you're working so hard to achieve it.
Help him understand that you see your business as a family business where you share the rewards. Talk about the advantages of entrepreneurship. Maybe the benefits of being at home with your kids or even the financial benefits of reduced child-care costs and being able to write-off home business expenses.
Let him know exactly how he can help you. Guys aren't always super intuitive so instead of nagging him, do your best to let him know what you need to be successful. Maybe it's not a business task, maybe he can help pick up the kids from soccer practice or help out with certain household chores so that you have some extra work time.
Develop Good Boundaries
When you work from home the temptation is to work all the time. You finally have the kids to bed so you naturally want to get some work done. That's fine sometimes but boundaries are critical. Schedule a few nights each week when work is truly turned off (this means turning off your Blackberry or iPhone) so you can connect as a couple.
It's so important to make time to communicate - without interruptions - with your spouse to keep the household flowing smoothly. Don't just leave this to when you have the time because when do you ever really just have extra time? Schedule the time like you would a business appointment. Texts, e-mails and cell phone calls are fine, but for connection purposes nothing replaces a quality face-to-face conversation.
Schedule in the Romance
You have to figure out as a couple how to make love the top priority. Maybe when you were first married and had free time you could just be spontaneous and wait for the "right moment" but now that you have more responsibilities, it's not likely to happen without a little planning.
Build a structure you can count on to keep these priorities straight. For example, schedule once-a-week "dates" with each other to talk and rekindle romance. If you can, go on a getaway once or twice a year - even if it's just a day or two to relax and enjoy each other. Doing this will help you remember why you're working so hard anyway...to share your success with the ones you love.
Marriage requires commitment and attention and like a plant, it will not continue to grow, without nurturing. People sometimes say "marriage is hard work." I guess it is. But I think everything in life that's worth having is worth working for. Having a partner that loves you and supports you is worth the effort.
