subject: Should You Get Back Together With Ex? by:Dave Allen [print this page] You and your ex have had a splitYou and your ex have had a split. She went her way and you went yours. But now you are having second thoughts and are wanting to get back together with ex. The days are empty, the nights are lonely and all you can think about are those wonderful memories that the two of you shared together.
You reflect on the romantic dinners spent with the love of your life. You're reminded of all the little gifts that showed how much they cared. You can still see the glistening in their eyes as they met with yours. Ahh, the feel of their body as the two of you seemed to become one on the dance floor. The winks, the caresses, the kisses, the love pats...and their captivating smile that is indelibly etched into your memory. It's easy to get caught up in that cycle. And now in your despair all you want is to get back together with ex.
But why aren't the two of you together now? If everything was so wonderful, then what happened to the relationship? I call it selective memory. Maybe it's intentional, or maybe it's subconscious. Your heart does not like to dwell on painful memories so perhaps it is your mind's way of protecting your heart. But you have to think about the situation and all that has happened, especially if you are serious in your desire to get back together with ex.
Why did you split? Was it something that you did? Something that they did? Or maybe something that both of you were guilty of. Was it something that came up suddenly, or had it been brewing for a longer period of time? Did you see it coming and simply chose to ignore it, or were you completely blindsided by it? Is there anything that either of you could have done to prevent the problem from occurring and saved your relationship? All of these are questions you need to consider before you blindly walk back into the relationship.
Many people follow their heart without giving a lot of thought to the long term consequences. And while in a perfect world it may seem that following your heart is what you should do, the reality is you can open yourself up to a lot of unnecessary heartache. Have you never heard, "The heart is deceitful above all else." Painful but true nonetheless.
Now if you really want to get back together with ex, I'm not saying that it will never work. Reconciliation is very achievable for two people who love each other deeply and are committed to working on their relationship. But neither of you can expect to go back and pick up where you left off and believe that everything will be just fine "because we love each other."
There were problems that caused the breakup the first time and unless those problems are addressed and hopefully rectified, they will still be there buried beneath your emotional desire to get back together with ex. If nothing has changed then the end result will likely be the same as last time, or perhaps even worse. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It's not going to happen.
If you recognize that you were the one with the problem, then do something to fix it. You are the only one that can fix you. If your ex was the one with the problem, then realize that you can't fix them. They have to want to fix themselves and take the necessary steps to make the needed changes. You can encourage them, support them and stand by them just as you would want them to do for you, but don't let getting back together be a prerequisite for them getting help. Instead, insist that getting help first be a prerequisite for getting back together with ex.
If you recognize that each of you had your part in causing the breakup, which is always the case, (I'm reminded of the song "It's A Little Bit Me, It's A Little Bit You) then both of you need to seek out relationship counseling prior to getting back together. Good relationship counseling can help each of you identify strengths and weaknesses within yourselves and in each other, as well as provide insight, guidance and support in working through your differences.
If you truly love your ex and believe that the two of you were just meant to be together, don't give up hope. Just realize that it does take two people, really trying, to make a relationship work. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it. And you can't change anyone else, but you can change yourself. If we are honest, there is something in all of us that we could change for the better. Once you start to work on yourself, it will become more clear to you whether or not you should get back together with ex.
About the author
Should you get back together with your ex? The Magic Of Making Up is a proven, step by step plan that has stood the test of time and will offer you practical, real world relationship advice that will work for you in the real world. YOur relationship is too important to be left to chance. Visit http://www.MagicOfMakingUpSite.com today.
