subject: Guide In Choosing Honor Attendants [print this page] According to tradition, the bride and the groom have the sole responsibility of selecting their honor attendants. Communication and dialogue is encouraged because it allows the concerned parties to consult while leaving the final decision to the each.
The bride's sister is always the most preferred and somehow an automatic choice in most societies for the role of Maid of honor, and equally the same applies to the groom's brother. If both families subscribe to this custom then the process is very easy, the unfortunate truth is that this is not always the case.
The biggest advantage that comes from choosing ones brother and sister for the honor positions is that it eliminates the guilty feeling that may emerge over choosing one friend over another.
In other scenarios, the prospective groom or bride may opt to choose a parent as their honor attendants; this is commonly practiced in the South, where the groom's father becomes his best man. Surprisingly, this is never the case with the brides mother for the matron of honor position, the reason could be due to her already busy schedule with wedding related chores.
It's a common tradition that the best man and maid of honor be married. A man, married or widowed retains the title of best man and a woman in the same status retains the title of matron of honor. You're free to consider divorcee honor attendants if doing that doesn't offend your believes and your guests sensitivities.
Christian denominations have guidelines regarding honor attendants and it's advisable that you check with your officiant if you're having a religious wedding. I've heard of weddings where the officiant must confess the same faith as the bride and groom.
Besides the titles, not much else changes. The respective attendants walk, stand, sit, and behave exactly as their "other gender" counterparts would have. As far as dress, a man of honor dresses just like the male members of the wedding party, and a best woman dresses like the female members.
They each receive the floral tributes appropriate to their genders (i.e., boutonniere, bouquet). If the event calls for a large number of attendants, the bride's male attendants may be distinguished from the groom's attendants by the color of their vests.
Grooms female attendants can wear dresses that coordinate with the dresses of the bride's female attendants other than matching it. It's not necessary that the best maid wear a feminized tux or a back dress, perhaps not anymore than the best man need wear a tux in the color matching the bridesmaid's dresses.
The size of the bridal party is the sole responsibility of the bride and groom. If you don't already know, you can have two best men like the groom brothers or two best women. It's also up to the couple to delegate duties amongst the participants. If the bride has two attendants, then it's not a must that the groom also have two.
