subject: Restraining Orders - Modern Day Divorce Planning At Its Worst [print this page] Roughly half of all marriages in the USA end in divorce. An increasing number of those marriage separations involve a restraining order being filed at the same time as the petition for divorce. Unfortunately, if you're the one fighting a restraining order, it is viewed as a standard tactical maneuver by lawyers eager to gain the initial advantage for their client.
To understand why your ex-partner would consider filing an order, and then try to convince a judge of its merit, let's look at the benefits involved:
* Your ex gets instant custody of the children;
* Alimony and maintenance payments increase;
* The burden of proof is on YOU, not your ex.
In many divorces, there is also an element of manipulation and/or control which motivates your ex to file a complaint which results in a restriction against you. You're basically at risk of being arrested even if you pass by your ex in a shop at random, or call on the phone, or even send a box of roses through the mail. There's nothing you can do about this situation until you can prove to a judge that the claim is baseless. It's all part of the divorce game. But, most divorces aren't amicable, and this is just another method to cause suffering to fathers when all forms of contact are taken away with their kids.
Unfortunately, this harms the kids as much as the father. Regardless of this factor, when we consider the disadvantages of filing an order against their old partner, the list comes up with rather trivial matters, such as:
* Your ex will generally employ a lawyer to file the order for her (thus costing money and requiring that she finds one sooner rather than later);
* She has to attend an "ex parte" court session where the initial (temporary) order is granted outside of your presence.
An interesting summary of the type of abuse which leads to innocent fathers dealing with the repercussions of a restraining order, and having to win a custody battle, was published in 2008 by the American agency 'Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting' (aka RADAR). Its report was titled 'Without Restraint: The Use and Abuse of Domestic Restraining Orders', and here was one of its citations: "A 1995 study conducted by the Massachusetts Trial Court... found that less than half of the orders involved even an allegation of violence." The same study goes on to quote a New Jersey attorney regarding the more specific motives behind phony orders - specifically, that 40%-50% of all restraining orders are requested purely as a legal maneuver.
Hundreds of thousands of people have a restraining order filed against them during the modern day American divorce. That's a lot of pain, and a lot of phony restraining orders stopping fathers from seeing their children. But with so much to gain, it's no wonder more divorces involve the father handling an order alongside the other stuff too.
