subject: Fighting A Restraining Order - How To Win A Custody Battle [print this page] I've met many fathers who want to know how to win a custody battle whilst fighting a restraining order, and some of them expect a miracle solution to their problems which can fix everything with the wave of a magic wand. Unfortunately, there's no such thing. The good news, though, is that there are tried and tested methods to help you win a custody battle whilst fighting a restraining order. And you definitely don't need to hire a big shot, expensive lawyer to do it.
The main problem is that modern divorce courts practically encourage an ex to file a restraining order based on phony abuse allegations. They don't encourage it directly, of course, but the advantages are so great that a lot of lawyers advise their clients to do this as standard procedure - in other words, whether there is any merit to the accusations against you or not. For example, it's becoming more common these days to have a father fighting a restraining order so that maintenance payments are increased (since he can't see his kids any more, they can't stay overnight, and your ex will argue that she needs more financial help to support them).
Added to all this is that the burden of proof is incredibly low; when a father is fighting a restraining order, far too often it becomes permanent simply because they didn't know how to defend themselves in a courtroom, or they relied on a lawyer to do it for them.
During my three-year divorce battle, the most invaluable move I ever made towards finding a solution to the mess I found myself in was to increase the level of direct involvement. I had a crisis meeting about the cases I was already paying my lawyer to handle, because the lack of progress became too frustrating. What I did was start to follow outside advice on what kind of evidence I should be gathering to support my defense (names of witnesses to important events, store receipts, email communication), and actively taking the lead on winning the case.
I ended up achieving more in the final three months of my custody case than my lawyer had done in the two years before, and it taught me a very valuable life lesson that I will never forget:
Fathers only get one chance to see their kids grow up, and life is far too short to let phony restraining order cases plod along, with us crossing both fingers in the hope that it turns in our favor.
After fighting the restraining order, winning my custody battle and being awarded 100% care of my two sons, I realised just how important it is to make the right moves in these situations. It's scary how close I came to being one of the thousands of American dads out there who didn't know what to do for the best and relied solely on their lawyer's competence to enable them to ever see their kids again.
