subject: Shocked By An Affair? Killer Tips To Help You! [print this page] You are devastated when you discover your partner has had a marital affair, and you have asked them to leave or they have gone. Your emotions will be raw and you will experience mixed feelings of anger, disbelief and/or loss. Take the following steps to take control so that you can sort your life out.
Initially, women tend to contact family members and friends. Talking through the anguish of the affair is helpful in relieving stress. Men generally tend to bottle up their emotions and some may not rely on those contacts. Be prepared though for the biased views from those close to you. They are trying to make you feel better, but they may reveal opinions of your partner, which may shock and confuse you. If you do ultimately make up with your ex, there will be friends and relations you might not wish to be in contact with again because you have found out exactly what they think of your partner.
By all means confide in someone who you can trust for comfort and support, as they may be able to help you make up your mind, if they are able to provide a balanced view.
At first you and your ex should give each other some time and space. You will need this time to reflect on the implications of the affair, and the impact on both your lives.
Dont text, call or use social network sites to send hateful messages, or beg your ex to come back. Your emotions are raw, begging does not work, and you may say things you dont mean and will regret in the future.
You may not feel like eating but do try to eat little and often in order to keep your energy levels up. Try to avoid drinking too much alcohol, the short term effects may make you feel better, but over a longer period there is a risk of depression. You dont want to feel worse than you already do.
Get out of the house and go for a walk or listen to some of your favorite music. This can be a powerful antidote to depressive feelings. This is only a temporary fix, but it puts into your head positive feelings from which to de-stress your mind and help focus your thoughts.
Sleep is important. Stimulating the mind by watching an action-packed film is not recommended. Have a hot milky drink or read something to relax you. You dont want to spend endless hours tossing and turning and going over in your mind the trauma of the break up.
If there are children involved, their wellbeing is also high on your list of priorities. By looking after yourself you will gain strength to look after your children. They will only worry more if they see that you are not holding up.
Over the next few days/weeks you will need to decide if you do want your partner back after them having a marital affair. If not, then this may be the chance for a new start. There will then be children, home and financial considerations to sort out. Are there family members who could help in some way? If you feel the stress of it all is too much to handle on your own, you might want to visit your doctor. A doctor should, hopefully, give you time to discuss your feelings and advise you. Counseling is one option, but it may also be recommended that you are prescribed some form of medication to reduce stress or aid sleep. One or two of these options could be of benefit to you in the early days when you are struggling to handle what has happened to you.
The shock of an affair doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship, hopefully, by following the above tips you will be in better shape to take on what life throws at you, as you rebuild your life with or without your partner.
