subject: Learn The Secrets Of Having Great Relationships [print this page] What are some of the keys, the secrets, to having better relationships?
A number of years ago there was a therapist who changed modern medicine and psychology. He revolutionized the way that people dealt with people. His name was Dr Carl Rogers.
Dr Rogers said that in all relationships, personal or professional, there are three things we each need to do. We need to, number one, be congruent. We need to, two, give people positive regard and we need to, number three, have accurate empathy.
What does this mean? Being congruent means you are being genuine. You are being your real self. In effect, you are being the best you that you can be. Now inside of every one of us there's also that nasty "us" who pops up every once in a while. That's not what Dr. Rogers is talking about. He's talking about making a choice so that you can be that positive, uplifting, proactive, engaged, focused person that you can be. That's the conscious choice we each need to make. So you are congruently being your best self. You're being that higher level genuine, positive, great you.
The second aspect is positive regard. Let me ask you a question have you ever yelled at somebody? Have you ever been grumpy? Have you ever called somebody out or really read somebody the riot act for screwing up? Have you ever had a bad day? Have you ever made a mistake yourself? Have you ever deserved to have somebody yelling at you? We all do.
Positive regard means that you are human, and they're human. Some days are going to be better; some days are going to be worse. I need to have a positive regard for them and not make everything the end of the world. They're going to make mistakes. When they do, do what I can about it but don't make it the end of the world, it's not. It's just a mistake. Give them positive regard in not making things seem so bad. Get over it.
The third aspect Dr. Rogers focused on is empathy. Accurate empathy means you need to try and really look at the situation from their perspective, not just from your own limited perspective. You need to see if you can truly step into their perspective. Work at looking at the situation from the place where they arewith their values, their beliefs, their thoughts about what happened. You need to switch perceptual positions, and look at it from where they stand. It's not you trying to understand them. But actually step in to looking at the situation from their perspective, with his or her thinking and point of view.
When you do these three things, when you are congruent, when you give people positive regard, when you have accurate empathy, your relationships both personal and professional, go to a whole new level.
You need to take the time to do this. It benefits you and it benefits every one of your relationships. It's a choice. It's about your thinking patterns. It's about having a positive focus. It's about believing in the positive and the good for you and for other people. It's your focus, your choice of how you look at the world; it's what's going on in your mind.
Make a vow to yourself to do this. All you have to do is decide it once. Choose one time to be this way, just once. If you find yourself sliding, just go back and re-vow to yourself, re-choose once again that this is going to be you.
Be the best you that you can be. It's a choice. Every moment, every day, you can be the best you that you can be. Watch your self talk. Focus on that. Be congruent. Have positive regard. Be accurate in your empathy with other people.
