subject: A Simple Rule To Explain Relationship Behaviors: No One Wants A Negative Emotion [print this page] In the 1960s, the behavioral movement developed in dealing with psychological problems. The concepts of positive and negative reinforcement were behind many behavior modification procedures. Punishment was also used to alter behavior. These concepts continue to be used today.
In the clinical biopsychological approach, this has been retained and elaborated. In this case, the behavior of people in relationships is explained on the desire of everyone to have positive feelings and avoid negative ones. What this newer approach adds is that there are two distinct minds that exist in the brain and that the things that lead to positive and negative feelings are largely determined by memories.
It is surprising how many people have picked up on many people predominantly taking or giving in relationships. The notion of people being givers or takers has been around for many years. However, the clinical biopsychological view explains this at a different level.
Based on the simple, but universal, rule that all people desire a positive emotion and no one wants a negative emotion, it is possible to explain distinct relationship behavior patterns. Whether it is behavior from ones boss or ones spouse, it is surprising to many people just how well one can understand why people do what they do.
For a Giver, the model suggests a negative emotion will occur when the person feels like they are being perceived as the bad guy. They have problems with negative feelings when they have to accept something they feel they should be able to do for themselves. Thus, they are driven by guilt often and have significant problems in allowing others to do for them.
In sharp contrast, Takers experience a negative emotion when have to give to others. They feel cheated in life and believe they deserve whatever they can get. They do not feel like a bad guy when taking from others. In fact, they have positive feelings if they can take from others the things the others actually need.
In closing, it is important to note that the same terms can be used but mean totally different things. I encourage you to explore the clinical biopsychological understanding of givers and takers in more detail.
