subject: How To Create A Good Lasting Relationship [print this page] Good relationships do not happenGood relationships do not happen. I heard a lot of my clients says, If I have to work, then the relationship is not right. This is not a true statement, which is more than is true that you can not work in a good physical health of physical activity, eating well, and stress reduction. I noticed that I have 35 years counseling couples, there are choices you can make, and not only to improve relations, but can not transform the relationship is managed in two.
CREATE DATE TIMES
When people first fall in love, they find time for each other. Then, after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to prosper. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together" to speak, play, have sex. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.
GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS
Positive energy flows between six people when there is an "attitude of gratitude." Constant complaints create a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don't have. Complaints generate stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.
FUN AND PLAY
All of us know that "work without play makes Jack a dull boy." Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of every day life. Cease taking everything so seriously and learn to see the comic side of life. Intimacy thrives when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.
SERVICE
A wonderful way of generating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own issues and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.
LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING
When conflict occurs, you always have six choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some kind of controlling behavior. We've all learning plenty of overt and subtle ways of trying to control others in to behaving the way they would like: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of affection, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways they try to control generate even more conflict. Recalling to learn in lieu of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.
For example, most people have six major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment" of losing the other- and the fear of engulfment" of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But in the event you chose to learn about your fears in lieu of try to control your partner, your fear would finally heal. This is how they grow emotionally and spiritually" by learning in lieu of controlling.
