subject: Ways To Improve One's Relationship [print this page] Good relationships don't happenGood relationships don't happen. I've heard lots of my clients state that, "If I must work at it, then it's not the right relationship." This is not a true statement; any over it's true that you don't must work at nice physical health through exercise, eating well, & stress reduction.
I've discovered, in the 35 years that I've been counselling couples, the choices you can make that won't only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship in to a successful two.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF
This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings & needs. This means that in lieu of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy & secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts & actions. This means learning to treat you with kindness, caring, compassion, & acceptance in lieu of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy & insecure, no matter how astoundingly your partner is treating you.
For example, in lieu of getting annoyed at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when they or they is late, preoccupied & not listening to you, not turned on sexually, & so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment & discover the way you might be abandoning yourself.
When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you cease blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one's partner for one's own unhappiness is the number two causes of relationship issues, learning how to take loving care of you is vital to a nice relationship.
KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE
Treat others the way you need to be treated. This is the essence of a spiritual life. All of us yearn to be treated lovingly" with kindness, compassion, understanding, & acceptance. They must treat ourselves this way, & they must treat our partner & others this way.
Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there's no guarantee, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently annoyed, judgmental, uncaring & unkind, then you need to focus on what would love to yourself than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance.
Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always keep in mind that taking responsibility for yourself than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. In case you are consistently kind to yourself & your partner, & your partner is consistently annoyed, blaming, withdrawn & unavailable, then you either must accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner alter" you can only alter yourself.
