subject: Chronic Illness: Surviving People's Good Intentions [print this page] We may find ourselves shocked to find out just how much we are the on the prayers of loved ones who are a part of our inner circle. They may actually be concerned about us more than we realize in regard to our health. So when they say hurtful things we are left wondering about their intent.
We can try our hardest to rise above the hurt feelings we experience that can annoy us. We avoid letting it make us moody and search out the reasons that they care, but lack of awareness.
There are moments, the "wounds from a friend can be trusted", as it says in Proverbs 27:6. This is because the comments are completely communicated out of ignorance. The people we are counting on to be understanding are struggling to say whatever it is that can communicate their care. Their comments, however, just come out in a way that at times results in being interpreted all wrong.
It was 1993 when I received a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis my life changed rapidly. Those individuals at my church body and people at work felt no reluctance in telling me their their thoughts about my diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis --which I was without a doubt not old enough to have--in their 'expert' opinion.
As a 24-year-old young woman, living over a thousand miles away from the place I grew up, the decisions I was forced into making about the treatment choices felt serious and overwhelming. I meticulously poured through brochures and paperwork researching medications, therapies and alternative treatments.
I went out of my way to see specialized doctors, for example rheumatologists. I compared different drugs and their instant side effects, with the long-term results of choosing not to use certain medication.
The mixed up advice from people who had never even heard of my chronic condition felt like a personal attack on my level of common sense. I know that may sound as though I was too sensitive, however. . . that is how it felt. My emotional side thought "The nerve!'
I must admit, of those who casually shared ignorant statements, it is those that had their opinions about my genuineness of my faith that hurt the most.
Have you experienced what Proverbs 18:2 says is a friend that "finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions"?
When I was first diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, seeking advice from people who had traveled this unexpected road, I read the inspirational autobiographies of Christians who who had endured physically suffering, Joni Eareckson Tada and Dave Dravecky.
They have, and continue to, hear the same sort of remarks and even insults, that I heard. I grasped onto the promise that the Lord was the only one who truly understood my heart.
If strangers were able to tell these heroes in the suffering ministry that they didn't have enough faith to be completely healed, what made me imagine that I was exempt from these same criticisms and skepticism? If you see yourself questioning your faith and wondering if something is wrong with you because people suggest that you don't have enough faith to be healed, guess what? You are not alone.
In addition, I've heard some rather derogatory remarks, and it is always difficult to simply smile and say, "I appreciate your concern, but I do not actually agree."
Many times it feels as though everyone who is well, desires me to have a ministry for those who are healed or a ministry that tries to "get people healed" by demanding a certain formula that they think God uses.
To be frank, I just do not have that passion for a healing ministry. Many of those already are out there. And I would rejoice at being healed, but the zeal that God has called my heart is a calling to serve where people are today-- usually, still ill. I want to meet people wherever they are before they been healed. I want to be a part of in a ministry that stands by them if healing doesn't comes on on their days on earth.
Through the Christian nonprofit I started in 1996, Rest Ministries, for people who live with chronic illness I have been blessed to have the opportunity to exhibit and speak to many audiences, including those on pastoral staff and hospital visitation teams, as well as those living with chronic pain. At every event, however, I am at risk of hearing, "If you had enough faith you would experience healing."
Often people observe the table of our resources and books and then exclaim, "This is wonderful, but you should try 'fill-in-the-blank-alternative-treatment-here,' and then God would heal you, and then that could be your new ministry!"
In some odd way, though I still to get extremely frustrated with my disease, I am just beginning to understand the Bible verse 1 Peter 4:13 about considering it "pure joy to suffer for Christ." If this results in the fact that I will be called to "walk the walk" (or someday wheel?), then I will find a way to accept this.
And I am not alone in this regard. You may find many people with chronic illnesses claim that though they are not especially "happy" about their limitations they have found that life is filled with deeper friendships and meaning due to the suffering they have experienced.
Yes. . . I hate pain! And I grow weary so of it. The Lord does give us grace and endurance to survive one more day. He also provided the Israelites manna so they could hang in there one more day, fully depending on Him. I admit, as the Israelites, I have my times I want to complain, "L-o-o-r-d, I'm so bored with this manna!"
One will realize in time, however, that as she grows closer to the Lord the things people say will become less important and they will slip off of us much easier than we once fathomed. Although it can feel as though people are intentionally trying to say things that hurt, most often the pain they cause is not even known to them. Grow close to God and your faith in man will decrease and the emotions won't be so painful.
