subject: Senior Pastors and Youth Ministry - Developing Better Relationships by:Mark DeVries [print this page] Monkey Droppings: A Recipe for Distrust Monkey Droppings: A Recipe for Distrust
I've got this buddy who is an incredible youth pastor, a natural, the kind of guy who not only has the brilliant ideas but delivers on them with uncanny consistency. But he has problem.
He leaves monkey droppings on his senior pastor's desk.
Here's how it happens.
The senior pastor asks for a newsletter article to be turned in on, say, Thursday. But by Monday (four days after the aforementioned Thursday), the busy youth pastor has failed to deliver the article. The result? Monkey droppings on the boss's desk.
"The monkey" (as in "monkey on your back," or simply put, the responsibility to take the next step) has returned to the senior pastor, who now must remind my otherwise very responsible friend to get his article in! Not only does the pastor get the monkey back, but he also has to deal with monkey droppings
1. The frustration that the assignment was not completed as assigned,
2. The resulting tension of having to reprimand the youth director,
3. And the distrust that is a certain result of this exchange.
When our senior pastor gives us assignments, and we fail to tend to our monkeys (i.e., our responsibilities), we shouldn't be surprised that our boss has trouble trusting us.
Sometimes the Best Defense Isn't
A friend called me in frustration about her senior pastor's unfair criticism of one of her programs. Her pastor had gone into attack mode before knowing all the facts, had parachuted in with shot-gun dissatisfaction and walked out, leaving my friend angry, hurt and confused.
She immediately shot back an icy email, defending her ministry and correcting the misinformation her boss had been working with. Once the "send" button has been pushed, it couldn't be taken back.
What would have happened if, instead of going on the defense, my friend had "gone on the curious?" What would have happened if she had approached her pastor with confident, Columbo-like curiosity, asking a few innocent questions like,
1. What were you hoping to see at this event?
2. That's fascinatingbecause that is exactly what I was hoping to seeand I thought I saw it. Can you help me
see where I'm missing it?
3. That's helpfulJust to make sure we're on the same page, this is what I'm planning to do at our next event.
Am I getting it, or would you suggest something different.
When you have trouble seeing eye-to-eye with your senior pastor, take the first step over to his or her side of the table.
A Little Love Language Lesson
Do you know your senior pastor's love language? If you don't, you may be setting yourself and your ministry up to swim against the current.
A senior pastor's love language, like emotions, is not necessarily logical. One senior pastor might need to hear his youth pastor speak the language of a well-ordered office. Another might need to see a professional look, like wearing a necktie to work. Some pastors need the language of regular office hours, while others "feel the love" when the youth worker is away from the office.
Our job is not to correct, criticize or dismiss the language of our senior pastors speak. It is to discern them and to learn to speak them with greater and greater fluency.
Philippians 2:1-5Do We Really Believe It?
Does your pastor believe you are as concerned about the health of the church as you are about the success of the youth ministry? If not, you may be missing the point.
Too many youth pastors say, "I love my kids" or "I love my youth ministry" or even "I love my volunteer leaders." When Jesus said, "I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it," he meant that his heart longed to see the building up of his church, not just a single component of it, like youth ministry.
Sadly, we youth leaders have become famous for hiding in our silos, doing our own thing, and too often focusing exclusively on the needs of our own ministries. Could it be that we've forgotten what it means to be a part of the body of Christ?
When Is the Last Time You
prayed for your senior pastor?
caught your senior pastor in the act of doing something right and thanked him or her for it?
affirmed your pastor and his message to the youth you teach?
trusted your pastor enough to ask for his or her advice?
reached out to your pastor's family?
Apathy or Confidence
Some youth workers complain that their senior pastors don't give them enough attention, assuming that the boss just doesn't care about the youth ministry. Could it be that the senior pastor's silence is more a statement of his or her confidence in the youth ministry (and the youth minister) than apathy?
About the author
Mark DeVries is the author of Sustainable Youth Ministry, the founder of Youth Ministry Architects, and has a passion for building sustainable youth workers.
