subject: "Affairs - Private/Extra Marital Affairs" (Understanding & Saving a Relationship) [print this page] We all have the habit of poking nose in others matters, (knowingly or unknowingly all are involved) especially if someone have affairs, extra marital affairs. No one can deny that they never interfere in other's private matters/problems/fights etc.. We love it, don't we? I believe its natural, and when it's a matter of something suspicious, we take more interest and we make it more interesting by adding our own flavors of sentences to it. We love to know "What the neighbors are cooking". We like to read news on private affairs, scandals, raids, etc. Haven't you noticed that when someone come and talk to you about someone's private affairs, how excited he/she is in narrating the whole story, as if he is the one who caught everything and also specially adds to it that "I'm telling you all these things, but don't say that to anyone okay."
Here in this subject, I am sharing the experiences of some people I have met (which I would not like to mention) who told me many things about their private life/affairs, how it started and how it ended. The saga is same all over the world; with a sad ending. Affairs are matters related to individual concern; it is all about wispy and usually mysterious/illegal and dishonest relations. Nowadays affairs are very common, having affairs is like having a cup of tea every morning.
-Why do people have affairs?-
This question goes to all the couples around the world, who deceive their partners, and also to Modern Romeo's who keep on changing modern Juliet's or vice versa.
Now, there may be many reasons as if why a man or a woman gets involved into an extra marital affair. Are they foiled with each others behaviors; a behavior like a partners getting angry all the time, partners doubting each other, feeling jealous, ambitious or is it because of less freedom, not getting enough space in each others lives or can say, over possessiveness, sexually unsatisfied with each other and so on. However, the list is very long. People have affairs because they are missing something in their present (legal) relationship. When a man or a woman is frustrated with his/her life, then they go for a change, (change in direction) they plan to re-direct their way of life or can say seek some enjoyment. I must also add that some enjoy betraying their partners. I mean they are not satisfied with one partner.
In some cases it's seen that the relationship is broken due to forced marriages (arranged by parents disliked by the individual) But such cases are very rare. Because it's inculcated in our blood that you have to respect whatever decision is taken by our elders. There are some cases wherein a man/woman fell in love again after marriage, or after some years (even after doing love marriage), what they call as 7 year hitch (In a modern society); it is commonly seen amongst working executives or amongst husbands/wife's siblings.
People have affairs because it is full of romance, pleasure, emotions, and sentiments. That doesn't mean that it was not their in the existing relationship. But in case of private affairs, it comes in extra, with surplus joy, that's why I would like to say "Extra marital affairs means extra life, extra time, extra enjoyment, extra pleasure, extra happiness", but undefined. Everything comes in extra hence, nothing can be digested. Many of you will agree on this I know. It may be a different feeling altogether, as you start falling in love again, because the things that you had lost in your first relationship comes back to you in a different way and takes you back to the same route of love that you had with your wife/husband. An affair may start with someone you work with, or with your wife's/husband's friend or even amongst family members. Like, I know a man who was in love with his wife's sister. Such affairs take birth as we spend more and more time with people who are very close to us.
-Change Of Taste-
When you are going through a bad phase in your life (with your partner) and if some outsider extend hands for a new life that has more freedom, then this freedom takes you away from the problems you face with the current relationship, and that results in break up. The change has happened here. When you no more find your partner interesting, and you go in search of something new, then that something new I quote it as "CHANGE-OF-TASTE". Only a man/woman engaged in an extra marital affair can only define about the taste he/she is looking for. A new relationship means a replacement/change of partner, and it's nothing but the "change of taste".
-An Example for "Change of Taste"-
If "A" has a farm of banana and "B" has a farm of Mango, Will "A" ask mangoes from "B" and will "B" ask bananas from "A"? Yes, of course, Why? Because he can't eat the same thing everyday, so he needs a change. But.. but .. but some people have the habit of tasting others mangoes ha ha ha . Right? and that happens with extra marital relationship. If you are not happy with your partner (i.e. A) and you start feeling bored, then that boredom takes you out in search of another partner (i.e. B). Though here I am only talking about the taste of foods, but the same happens in real life too. (We can relate A & B as neighbors or friends or relatives)
Note: This example for "Change in Taste" may hurt some people as not everyone thinks in the way that I have mentioned below, but I have written it as I have noticed people talking in this manner when they are in a group (Especially mature ones).
A life of extra marital affair is a life full of fear, fear of being caught. Cheating may be very easy but "surviving after cheating is being caught is more difficult". The people involved in affairs may think that they can play hide-n-seek with their partners, but most of the time they are caught. It's very easy to catch a person who is involved in an affair, because behavioral changes are easily visible; the fear of getting caught will force him/her to react in a different way other than a normal way, which will dig well for him/her. "With growing affairs, problems also start growing". You will search for peace of mind but you will never find it, because a kind of fear will always be rooted in your mind. You may think that you are happy with a new life; you may think that you are happy having an affair, but the reality is.why should I say, everyone knows it. Thrill of affair can lead to tragedy. Inevitably, people who have affairs get caught.
-A Mathematical Statement-
1:1 = Husband + wife (i.e. Life)
1:2 = Husband + 2 Wife's (i.e. Knife)
With this equation I simply want to tell how 1 + 2 can spoil your life. An extra marital affair is like a knife that will cut your life into two.
-Understanding & Saving a Relationship-
Relationship starts with full of love, happiness, excitement, surprises, thrill, trust etc. No one ever think of cheating his/her husband/wife, or has any intention to cheat when the relationship flowers. The fragrance of love blossoms everyday. "Blindness" is the word I use for the starting period of life; because it's the same "love" amongst each other that doesn't allow you to read yourselves, as love is blind. As the years starts passing by, honeymoon time fades & when you are start coming back to your routine life (i.e. normal life), then the show starts taking turn. The happiness, the pleasure, the excitements starts deteriorating, because the first impression that you left on your partner (in beginning) turns outs to be diminishing, and doesn't look like the last impression. When you are in love you will never understand the real (genuine) nature of a man or a woman, as lots of things are hidden, deep down in the minds, in the heart, which comes out once you start living with your woman/man for 24hrs a day.
In that 24 Hrs everyday, It is the woman, who builds a home inside the house, but it also is the same woman who builds a hell inside home; and on the other side, man with his masculine power tries to control the home and but never succeed. It is the man who takes home back to house, and a hell. A Woman with her feminine qualities can understand every small things of her house and fill the house full of love that makes it a home. (Note: Choosing a right partner is very important in life) At the initial stage of a married life (say 34 years), relationships are toothless & blind, no one thinks of analyzing/examining the real nature (the natural character) of his/her partner. A couple think that they have the whole life ahead for understanding each other, so why can't they enjoy the life by adding Love, Lust, Sex & Pleasure always. I don't think it is wrong, but it doesn't work, because in life seriousness is also important.
My message is "Life is too short, so don't take much time to understand your life partner", otherwise, you will live a dragging life. I don't say that thrills or excitements are not required in life, but in the mean time you need to understand one thing clearly that the person with whom you are going to spend the whole life is not of your gender. Masculinity & femininity is completely opposite, it like logical and illogical. A male-female relationship is not an easy one as many of them think, 2worlds collide everyday.
If you know the importance of your first relationship then certainly you can avoid having any other relationship that is illegal. No matter what the situations are, how difficult it will be, you can bring it in control, but for that you need to understand your partner first. I believe Compromise, Sacrifice & Adjustment is very important and have to be implemented as-an-when required, for a long lasting relationship. But, also their is a limit for "Compromising-Sacrificing-Adjusting", if your partner don't understand you and you are the only one in trouble always, despite of your attempts to keep everything normal, then you need to re-think about the relationship. In such cases, a man or a woman will certainly get into another relationship, which according to me is not at all illegal. Then, I don't see anything wrong in a private affair, its all because of his/her frustration, unhappiness he/she went for a Change of Taste. Some affairs are for sexual pleasure, wherein both the sex is not bodily happy with their partners, that gives rise to sexual pleasure.
Now there is something more interesting, "Affairs happen naturally", one of my friend says so, and I know what he wanted to say. It happens naturally, it means, the frustration/anger with your partner forces you to go outside and search for something new, and as you are already unhappy, the nature itself changes your way of thinking & looking things in life and you fall in love again. So he may be true in saying that affairs happens naturally.
"Affairs - Private/Extra Marital Affairs" (Understanding & Saving a Relationship)
