subject: How Money Can Cause Relationship Problems [print this page] It's widely believed that in many cases, many of the problems that couples have find their source in how differently they view and handle money. You might think that this is a pretty simple thing to manage, but the truth is, it's not. A number of factors play into shaping how we view money, and these factors can be deeply personal. So the result is that what money means to one person is totally different from what it means to another person.
When it comes to money, there's this broad categorization method that simply states that we're either spenders or savers. The reason why this is brought to the table is that relationship-wise, spenders are attracted to savers and vice-versa. So it's highly likely that if you get into a relationship with someone, your views on money and finances in general will be very different from theirs. The key to success lies in each person trying to put themselves in the other's shoes and handle their differences in a productive manner.
As previously stated, we each have different views on how to handle money, whether it comes to making, saving, spending, or investing it. In each of these areas, there's a potential for disagreements and arguments. For example, based on your personal background and your parents' examples, you might equate money with power, while your partner might see it as a tool to guarantee their security. Conversely, your partner might see money as a means to acquire luxury items and pamper themselves, while you see it as something to be invested to ensure financial security in the future.
So if your relationship is experiencing problems that find their source in how you guys relate to money, there will have to be a series of serious conversations about this. The end goal is to reach an agreement where you're both satisfied with the way you're spending the money that you're making together. In order for that to happen, you have to both be open about the importance of money in your eyes, as well as what it should be used for. Hearing out your partner and trying to understand why they have such and such relationship with money will help a lot.
Another common area that lends itself to arguments in relationships is how exactly the couple makes money. A few decades ago, that wasn't really an issue, as it was usually the man earning the money and the wife staying at home and taking care of the house and the children. Things have changed today and most of the families are now dual income. Yet that has brought about a new set of problems. How does the couple divvy up the bills? How important are people's respective careers and is family life going to take a back seat to it? What happens if one of the partners shows a chronic inability to manage money and jeopardizes the couple's financial future? It's important that both of you know upfront what will be needed to sustain your standard of living and prepare contingencies if said standard is being put at risk.
The final sensitive area is investing. Understandably, spenders and savers have different views on whether an investment is risky or safe. Spenders focus on the potential return on the investment, while savers focus on the return of the investment. They each have their strengths, and a balanced investment portfolio needs contributions from both. The best way to avoid this causing arguments is to agree on a budget that sets specific amounts for saving and for investing. If you want to be even more detailed, you can set, for example, 60% of the investing budget to go towards safe investments like bonds, and the remaining 40% to riskier investments. Problem solved.
In a nutshell, in order to reduce the arguments that occur as a result of conflicting views on money, you need to understand the reasons that can cause money to be at the root of relationship problems, and then tackle those reasons to make them work for you instead of against you.
