subject: Should We See Other People? [print this page] When is it a good idea to see other people? A reader writes:
"My girlfriend says that it may be good for us to "see other people" for awhile. She says that she loves me and wants a commitment with me, but that maybe we should "sow our wild oats" first. She also says that if we are meant to be we will find our way back to each other. My guy friends think its a great deal- I get to keep my girlfriend and date other girls. I am not so sure because she also gets to date other guys. As a girl what do you think about this? Should I try it out, I really don't want to lose her for good."
If a girl tells you its a good idea to "see other people", I can promise you she has that "other person" in mind already. She met some other guy and she wants to be able to explore this with him and not risk losing the steady relationship she has with you. If you don't mind being the guy to pick up the dinner tab and take her bowling after she has been rolling around in the sheets with some other guy by all means go for it, but it is not "What good looks like to me."
Sure there are people out there happily dating and not committed to one person, myself included. However if you have been in a committed relationship for awhile, spending time with other people is not the way to find out if you are right for each other. All that bs about "If its right, we will find our way back to each other" is great for people that have jobs in other towns, are deployed overseas etc.. NOT for testing a relationship that is already going on. Sure, each couple needs their own space and I think time apart is very healthy for any relationship but not time apart in bed with someone else.
Women in love do not want their men to see other people so the fact that she is willing to let you in order for her to do so as well says something. If and when I do commit to one man, I will not have to test that relationship by screwing...oh excuse me...I mean seeing other guys. In fact I will try to protect that relationship as much as possible from the constant temptations that are around for all of us without smothering myself or becoming a hermit. That is respect for you and what you have, and that is what in my opinion a healthy relationship looks like. My advice, kick her to the curb, let her see whoever the hell she wants, just make sure to get on with your own life and find a woman that respects you and herself enough to be honest about the relationship.
