subject: When You Become Engaged, Who Do You Tell First? [print this page] One you have become engaged and are on the road to getting married, what does tradition say about who you should tell first?
Assuming that you are not an out and out rebel, you are going to have to abide by certain societal rules. Otherwise, you risk having your friends and family members peeved at you both. And,seriously, you may as well start to condition yourself to follow rules. Because once you are married, you'll find another entire set of rules eagerly waiting for you on the other side.
Once one of the partners has proposed to the other, it is probably best to wait a week, at the minimum, before letting anyone else know. Why? Because there are few things more awkward than telling all of your friends and family that you are engaged and getting married only to have your partner back out due to cold feet or some other reason the following day. And, this is particularly true if any drinking of liquor was involved at the time of the original proposal.
Naturally, you will tell your best friend. That's what they are for. But only tell him or her if you know they can keep a secret.
Once you have made the determination that, without a doubt, you are getting hitched, the two sets of parents should be the first people who you inform. Whose parents first? It depends. The best option, especially if the families are geographically close, is to invite both parents to your or your partner's home for dinner and let them all know at the same time. This way, no one feels slighted.
Sometimes,however, one set of parents or possibly both, live inconveniently from your both and it is just not feasible to get everyone together. In this case, select the set of parents that you feel the closest to - and give them the news first. It is usually best to tell the parents in person. But, realizing that is not always possible, calling them personally is the next best thing.
One popular way that many couples have chosen to avoid the controversy is to jointly videotape their engagement announcement and post it to a private area on the Internet where it can be available to all of their friends and family. Then they mass email everyone that they want to share their engagement with. No one feels left out and everyone gets to hear the news directly from the couple at their convenience.
Even if you take the video approach, however, it is till nice to let the parents know first. Simply out of courtesy. But also because they may have serious concerns or objections to the marriage. And, if this is the case, the sooner you find out about them, the better.
If children are involved, the issue becomes a little bit more complex. If either you or your partner has children from a prior relationship, especially small children, put them next on your list of people whom you should notify. As a rule, children, are extremely sensitive and vulnerable when it pertains to any change in the status of their parents relationship. And, this is particularly true when children are living with one or both partners, and the marriage might possibly cause the raising of custody issues.
