subject: Male Chastity Guide for Beginners [print this page] In this very brief introductory guide to male chastity I want to talk about some of the most immediate and critical points about the lifestyle from the perspective of couples new to it.
I'm doing this now because when I first started along this journey, I frequently found I was lost, confused, bewildered and even a bit frightened by the mass of differing, contradictory, and, in my opinion, damaging information available.
So in this brief Guide, I'll simply go over the most important points but still talk about them in sufficient depth to get you started.
Start at the Beginning
Before we start, it's important to grasp the fact that having a husband in chastity is not new, not "bad", and is certainly nothing for you to fret over, whether you're a husband who's coming to terms with his desires (and maybe even fighting with them), or a woman whose man has confessed his interest in male chastity to you and you're looking for information on the subject.
First, let's think about what we actually mean when we talk about chastity. In everyday life we tend to treat chastity and celibacy as being the same. For our purposes, though, in this basic male chastity guide we'll assume there exist some important differences:
Chastity: what we normally mean is general sexual control and orgasm denial. So what we're not recommending is simply not making love or engaging in sexual activity. Quite the reverse: spouses who live a male chastity lifestyle tend to find they are not only having increased hanky panky, but find themselves actually enjoying it much more than they believed they could.
What we are talking about is the wife assuming control of her man's climaxes and not permitting him to have them unless she says he can, even if she may be "forcing" him to pleasure her in different ways not involving making love; or even if they are making love, she is not allowing him to orgasm.
As you read through this male chastity guide, you'll come to understand why a man would want such a thing, why you would want to give it to him, and the pleasure in doing so for both of you.
Celibacy, on the other hand, is where you just don't have sexual activity at all, say because you're without a partner, or you're unable to have sexual relations for any one of a number of reasons, or you've taken a vow of celibacy. Or perhaps there is another motive we can't even begin to imagine. Interestingly, someone who's celibate might actually enjoy more orgasms than someone who's embracing the male chastity lifestyle, just because a celibate man has the chance to masturbate, but a chaste male doesn't.
I'll say more about celibacy in a moment and why, if you're celibate yet still in a relationship, the male chastity lifestyle could possibly not be right for you.
Whom Is Male Chastity Right For?
I'll go out on a limb here and say virtually any basically strong marriage will benefit from male chastity, and that includes gay couples (perhaps surprisingly!). The reasons are simultaneously both complicated and simple as you'll see in this male chastity guide.
In fact I'll edge out even further on the limb and declare if you're typical healthy woman or homosexual man and you enjoy a healthy sex-life (or have previously) and you're not incredibly prudish when it comes to sex, or painfully shy, then... you've most likely already dabbled with male chastity play.
Why do I say this?
Because male chastity covers a range, from short sessions of orgasm denial and teasing at one end of the scale, all the way to unending orgasm denial at the other (I'll say a bit more about this later in this brief male chastity guide). And the majority of men and women, if not every man and woman, has, at some time, enjoyed teasing their spouse at some point by delaying orgasm even if only for a few minutes.
And if you've experienced that... then... well done!
You've already experienced male chastity.
And you both loved it, right? Even if he complained in the most delicious way at the time.
Whom is Male Chastity NOT Best For?
If you're in a relationship and you really don't like each other (or even if only one of you doesn't like the other), and you're living in mutual celibacy as a choice because you simply can't bear the idea of him touching you (it generally is women who end up feeling this way, sadly), then aside from the comments I make here, this male chastity guide won't help you.
If you're in this circumstance and your lover has come to you with the plan of embracing a male chastity lifestyle and you find your heart fluttering with joy because you perhaps see it as a wonderful way of ensuring you don't ever have to have any manner of sexual contact with him ever again... then I think you're making a big mistake if you go ahead with it.
Because he's suggesting this out of a desire to have greater sex with you, rather than less!
And if you're a man reading this thinking it's likely to help rekindle the ashes of a burned out marriage, the same comments apply: the chances are it's just not going to work. On the contrary, it's going to hurt you both a lot more in the long run.
If you begin to see you and your wife and your own relationship in the above few paragraphs, then I recommend you stop reading this male chastity guide and instead think long and hard about professional relationship counselling, and ultimately be prepared to end it to allow you both to move on with the remainder of your lives.
Why Would Someone Yearn For The Male Chastity Lifestyle?
Ultimately this simple male chastity guide is about pointing you in the right direction to uncover the strategies and techniques for dramatically improving your marriage by increasing the affection you feel for one another, making you grow even closer together, and allowing you to nurture a far richer, deeper and more loving understanding of each other than you presently have.
With the proviso your fundamental marriage is solid and your love for one another remains strong, even if the fires of lust are not now burning so bright as they once did, male chastity is definitely something you can safely consider at least trying.
How To Begin With Male Chastity
There is but one reason for male chastity: and that's to improve your marriage in all ways and, as a result, make everything else in your life richer and more pleasing, too.
And for that reason it's crucial to understand no matter how you approach it, what you choose or how you choose to implement your male chastity lifestyle, if it's acceptable to you both, then that's all that matters.
You might think that's a peculiar thing for me to say; but remember one of the reasons I have written this male chastity guide is there is so little accurate information about that's not filled with nonsense, fantasy and downright bad advice.
Now, the point to start with male chastity is... to start at the very beginning.
It's tempting to dive straight in at the deep-end by rushing out and getting a chastity device and hoping you can snap it shut and remain chaste for a long time. And you will indeed read accounts just like that all over the Internet.
And they're untrue.
No, I can't prove it and you can believe them if you wish, but no one who has genuine real-life experience of male chastity will give them the slightest bit of credibility.
The reasons we know they're just fantasy are many and varied, but please, for the present, in this male chastity guide, believe me, male chastity is just the same as any other facet of your relationship: you would do well not to rush into it and at best be disappointed and at worst unnecessarily ruin something amazing you wouldn't have spoiled if you'd just been a bit more thoughtful.
Now, let's assume at this time you're sitting reading this male chastity guide together or at least you're both at a point where you're discussing a male chastity lifestyle as something you're willing to explore (there are lots of easy, non-threatening and low-key ways to broach the subject with your partner whether you're a man or a woman, but one very simple way I share with you in a different article is to use male chastity stories).
But, let's get on with the practicalities.
First, start with a little gentle chastity play. Agree in advance you want him to satisfy you any way he likes, but make it clear you won't allow him to make love to you and he'll have to engage his imagination.
Massage is a good place to begin, and then remind him he has fingers and a tongue (engage your imagination, too... you're reading a male chastity guide not a sex manual!).
The first few times you might find it difficult since it's new territory for both of you. Make him a promise you'll make love to him again the next morning and allow him to climax if he does a good job tonight. That way he's not got very long to wait and he is unlikely to get huffy (he won't plan to, but orgasm denial is all new to him, too).
After a few times you can increase the time you're going to make him wait a little: maybe the next night, or the weekend.
If this is working well and both of you feel comfortable with the next stage, you can invest in a basic chastity cage. Now, you'll discover literally hundreds of devices available and they'll cost you anything from $90 for a simple plastic device to more than for a bespoke made-to-measure shiny steel full belt.
I suggest in this male chastity guide you opt for something simple and not too expensive, like the plastic devices generally are, and see how you get on. In our experience with gentle play, the plastic device was fine but it didn't suit us at all for long-term wear. However, some people find them acceptable and effective for long-term use.
All you can do is see how it is for you.
Just don't get your hopes up too much, too soon.
Even if his device is comfortable you might find when he gets really horny it is very uncomfortable and painful for him, and while some women claim that's a suitable "punishment", that's not something I'm interested in - this is a male chastity guide, not a manual for Dominatrixes! I want to deny his orgasm and have him wanting me like crazy, not in pain from constricted, sore and swollen balls!
In time, you're almost certainly going to find you want to progress a little. Now, there are no hard and fast rules about this and it's absolutely vital to determine what suits you and your partner rather than trying to adhere to what so many people in the "scene" will demand you "should" do. Believe me, many can get quite unpleasant if you don't live your life and treat your husband or lover how they think he ought to be treated.
In the end you'll reach a level at which you feel comfortable, and to some extent that is going to dictate the kind of device you finally end up with. Generally, in this male chastity guide, I'd recommend you get the most expensive device or belt you can stretch to, because in my experience there's nothing quite as disheartening as a device you have to give up on because it's not suitable for wearing for the duration you want him to wear it!
Two Last Pieces of Advice
As I wrote previously, you'll in the end discover what works best for you both and that's the only thing you should think about.
However, I want to make two points in this male chastity guide which I consider to be "universals", meaning everyone I've ever talked who has successfully incorporated male chastity into their life agrees with me.
First, bear in mind it is supposed to be enjoyable for you both. I know there's an element of teasing in it but you need to decide when his "no" means "yes", and when "no" actually does mean "no".
The second point is you need to be firm. Yes, it seems contradictory to what I've just said, but you must be clear about the fact he has requested this, or he's as a minimum consented to it if the idea is yours.
In truth, he wants you to be strong with him. He might want to climax but he craves you to deny it.
I can't stress this enough in any male chastity guide.
As an, my husband, John, whom I keep in ultra strict male chastity and orgasm denial, typically for months on end, will sometimes beg me not to let him climax because the feeling of being "in the zone" is so deeply profound.
Moreover, when it becomes too overwhelming and he begs for release, if I refuse (and under no circumstances will I give in if he's begging for it... that's one of my rules), then even though he moans and groans while it's happening... after he is grateful to me for being so firm and cruel.
At the beginning I would usually cave in... and he always told me afterwards I shouldn't have done. Men!
To Conclude
The male chastity lifestyle is electrifying, satisfying and remarkably rewarding for you and your lover.
However as with any lifestyle, it takes some imagination and work to get it exactly right. Most crucial of all is it's your life and you ought to live it your way.
