subject: Bullying: When Is It Time To Kick Ass? [print this page] Recently a friend who has a high school daughter told me that she was having problems with kids in school. She is the new kid and dresses a little differently. OK, she's a Goth, EMO or whatever they're calling kids who dress like vampires these days. Still we live in a country where freedom of expression is held dearly, so if you want to look like Marilyn Manson, God bless you.
Like most teenagers and parents who don't know how to talk to each other she tells him it's not a problem and she blows it off. Like most parents, my buddy believes her and sweeps it under the carpet while he chalks it up to "kids being kids". He is being a knuckle head, wait until you hear the rest of the story.
My first question is always, what have these little criminals, I mean bullies, can we still say bully or is it alleged bully? What have these reprobates done? According to him, it started out as "lets pick on the new kid because she's different" and has escalated to her being kicked and hit regularly in the hallway, to one of the bullies "jokingly" trying to ignite her clothes during gym class (while she was wearing them)!
At this point I think OK, what did the school say? His response was that he didn't say anything!!!!! When are you waiting to do something, when she's in the emergency room or the funeral home? Setting another human being on fire is not run of the mill bully stuff. Even the kids in "Carrie" used paint. My friend needs to get off of his ass now! Bullies, like criminals and terrorists, rarely are satisfied and will take as much as they can. This is basic human GREED. When given the opportunity, we will take as much as we can until there is nothing left or we are stopped.
The first thing he has to do is get off his ass talk to the school. When school administrators aren't complaining about the budget they are great at meddling in kids lives so you need to take advantage of that fact NOW. Plus it covers your ass when you put them on notice your kid's going stand up for herself.
Sure, this will embarrass your kid, you're a parent. Part of your job description is to embarrass your children as much as you can. In this case, she doesn't know any better, she's 15.
Stuff like this happens because the only Bully advice kids get are white washed feel good sessions. While I suppose it raises kid's awareness to bullying and may help the good kids defend against the evil, little spawns of Satan, it stops at the point where you have to put some foot to ass.
The most important lesson to be learned from dealing with a future inmate is that you there will come a time in this life that have to do something you really don't want to do In this case endure the potential pain of physical confrontation.
WARNING: What I am about to suggest my involve you spending time with your children.
To my friend I said, get off your ass! Take two techniques, the edge of hand and the heel of hand. Get a heavy bag or a training dummy and set it up in the garage.
Show her how to hit it and just to go as hard and as fast as she can, first one hand and then the other. Tell her whenever she feels frustrated to come out here, crank the music up and beat the snot out of this thing.
A few things are going to happen. First she will get some serious stress release. Second, she will feel like she's doing something to solve her problem. Third she's training correctly which is going to build confidence. Finally she will be empowered, which is the most important of all. When you're bullied, you're at some one else's mercy. It's incredibly debilitating and will do more psychological damage than any strike. Training gives her options. This gives her the ability to make it stop on her terms.
As a parent we want to protect them, but we're better teaching them to stand up for themselves. This is a right of passage that everyone must endure. I remember hitting the heavy bag with my dad and my grandfather. This is your chance to help them, don't screw it up. If you don't have time, make time. Because unless this is stopped now, it will escalate out of control until either by accident or on purpose, she is going to be injured.
When you stand up to a bully two things happen, they stop or they escalate it.
The vast majority of the time they stop. Most criminals stop when they feel serious resistance. The idea that this will further enrage them is misleading and probably the reason they picked you in the first place, you won't fight back.
In the case that they escalate it, you're probably dealing with a psychopath and this outcome was going to happen anyway. Inevitably a psycho or sociopath will go until they are done with you. So you're only option is to stand up for yourself. At the very least you will expose them for who they are.
Don't live in a world that condemns violence. Live in a world that condemns senseless violence. Violence might not solve anything, but it usually stops it.
My Bully Hit List as a Kid
Carl T.: 4th Grade: He's 1 year older, was picking on my friend. I took him down and made him cry. He stopped. Later discharged from the Ridgewood Police for discharging his weapon
Brian R.: 3 years older. Started kicking me while I as in a fight with Rob Hansen. My sister kicked him in the nuts. Rob and I are friends to this day. Brian Gilder whereabouts unknown.
Paul S.: 1 year older and about twice my size. Picked on me. I took him down and made him cry (thank you wrestling). I'm friends with him on Facebook.
Dan N: 2 years older and a lot larger (9th Grade). I took him down and made him cry (notice a pattern). Dan McKenna died of a heart attack in his late 30's.
