subject: How to Be in Control of Your Life – Go With the Flow [print this page] How to Be in Control of Your Life Go With the Flow
There are two completely opposite basic human needs. One of those is the need for certainty and the other one is the need for uncertainty. We need a certain degree of certainty to be able to function normally and we need some uncertainty to break up the monotony. If we had complete certainty, life would be boring beyond beliefs.
It is safe to say that life will take care of all the uncertainty that we need however the ubiquitous need for more certainty is not so easily available. With certainty, we experience less fear, less anxiety and life is much more pleasant. So, acquiring more expertise on mastering certainty is something that is universally wanted and valued.
We have that feeling of certainty when we sense that we are in control of our life. When we feel that, no matter what, we shall prevail. With the right attitude and right understanding of the mechanisms involved, those feeling of control and confidence can be almost omnipresent.
The first thing that should be understood about control is the fact it can only acquired when it is not sought. This may sound paradoxal but it is not. Control is only possible when it is not motivated by fear and it is only sought when motivated by fear.
A classis example of that is shown when someone has to do some public speaking. Anyone can talk and say what's on his mind when he is alone. However, when standing in front of a crowd, the need for control comes into play and that's when it become difficult to attain. In other word, it's easy to have control when we don't need it but it becomes difficult to acquire it when we need it the most.
The best way of being in control is to accept to go with the flow. Going with the flow does not mean the "laissez-faire" or the "devil may care" attitudes. Going with the flow is the acknowledgement of the fact that we are much more than our conscious thoughts.
As humans, we are the most sophisticated entities in the Universe. Our brain is said to be virtually limitless. Every experience that we've ever lived is recorded, analyzed and stored in that brain. Those experiences have formed a bank of references in the wiring of our nervous system and it is just waiting to take over our thinking and rationalizing process.
That bank of reference has unimaginable resources and wisdom. It simply dwarfs our conscious thinking process and it just lies there, just waiting to be allowed to express itself. However, it will not express itself if it is not allowed to do so.
When, under the grip of fear of over-cautiousness we try to actively maintain control of our present reality, the bank of references is shut off, cannot express itself and we lose our best and most accurate resource.
That bank of reference could be called our learned instinctual self. It is what is being used when we are involved in "non-thinking" activities such as singing, dancing, sport activities or most of our daily conversations. Those activities could be said to be done "naturally" without the conscious thinking process being involved.
In other words, the best way to be in control is by not actively trying to be in control. Control is best achieved when we have faith in ourselves and in our instinctual abilities. This does not mean that we should not be concerned or that we should not try to do the best that we can in any circumstances. It simply means that there is a delicate balance that has to be maintain in how much control we actively try to achieve if we want to have access to our most effective control mechanism.
We have to trust ourselves we are much smarter than we think!
