subject: Some Mischievous Ways To Get Back At A Collection Agency For Tying Up Your Phone [print this page] Most know exactly what a collection agency is - and what the nature on their business is. Those who have been through it, will tell you that financial debt is hard enough to face on its own, without being made nearly unbearable by a debt collector with an attitude.
Don't you wish you could return the favor - just to level the playing field? So, in the interest of a few laughs at the expense of some really mean characters - here are some unique suggestions to help make sure any future "collection" agents get a great "return" for their "harassment" investments:
Just say NO! Nowadays, it's easy to tell when you have a debt collector on the line, as most agencies have started to use a screening process. This is so they won't waste time bullying the wrong person - which can spell legal trouble for THEM, down the road. How it works is when a person answers his phone, a canned voice comes on and tells him to confirm, or deny, if he is the person they're trying to reach. The person is usually instructed to state "yes", if they're confirming, or to just hang up if they're not. If you agree you're their person, a live being will come on the line to commence the torture games. If you hang up - they've been informed they've made a mistake.
The other thing you can do is much more satisfying, as you turn the tables and get to harass them back. For this to work - don't hang up the phone, just wait for the message to play out. Eventually, a live person will come on the line to grill you about your debt. This is the time to strike. Before your caller even identifies himself, start screaming and carrying on like the world is ending. Repeat over and over, that you are NOT the person they're looking for, you're sick of being "spied" on through the phone line - and mention that this experience is making your mind "condition" much worse. Be sure to repeat some variation of this same scene, each time someone from a collections agency calls you. Doing this is harassment to them. Have patience and give it a good month - their calls should start to taper off on their own, very soon.
"I just don't understand" - If you've already taken the call and you're stuck - it's no problem. Pretend to be someone who can't speak the language of the land - at all. To start this charade - pretend the person they need is here, "but you have to get them, so please hang on". Cover the receiver, and yell for "the person" to "take this call!" After a few minutes, answer in a heavy, gibberish voice - suspiciously. Repeat nonsense words like "chess", instead of "yes", to confuse them into thinking you might be able to understand, after all. You'll find that eventually you're no longer the most popular "victim" on their list.
Be a "clinging" vine - This is a great way to chase collection agencies off! Just pretend to be starved for human contact in any form, and act needy. Right away, explain how you'd really love to pay your debts, however "your recently diagnosed incurable, extra strength dose of leprosy" prevents you from doing anything at all - except for sitting in a darkened room, and feeling lonely as your limbs drop off, one by one. Then, to keep them captive, go off into an hour-long rant about each symptom and detail of your "condition". Direct the conversation to a personal level, and bore the caller with stories of your early years - including every shattered dream and your many regrets. If they insist on having to go, ask them for their home phone number, so you can call them back when they're off work - pin them down to a "time" when they'll be available. After a couple of sessions from you, you probably won't have to take many collection calls, at least for a a few weeks.
This article's real intention is to provide a few laughs to someone who may need one - as well as ease the heavy burden of a serious situation. It should help you remember there's a rainbow at the end of every storm, if you should need one.
