subject: Steps to stress reduction [print this page] Author: Phyllis Klein Author: Phyllis Klein
Finding the motivation to practice stress reduction In thinking about stress reduction, most of us know the drill--exercise, smile more, start a gratitude journal, take a deep breath, do yoga, take a break. Great! Do you find yourself stuck on how to do any of these wonderful things? Most of us have very long to-do lists. Is there space for something peaceful? The question here is motivation. Many people--both men and women, wait until there is something wrong before taking action. That's better than avoiding and doing anything. However, you may be interested in prevention also. I'd like to propose a step-by-step approach for putting more stress reduction into your life. Step One: One Step at a time Think about one thing you might actually want to do that would reduce your stress. It doesn't have to be fancy or take a long time. This step is to get clear on what it is. You never have to do it!! Just thinking about it is a step you are taking towards reducing your stress. If you want to try doing it and are having a hard time, remember to keep it simple and find a way to give yourself some positive feedback about doing it. If you are engaging in something that is stress reducing, try to name that for yourself. If you go to the gym, it might be for body image or to stay in shape, but it is also a stress reduction activity. Step Two: What works for you Almost everyone can agree that stress reduction is a good idea. But understanding what will work for you is not always that simple. Sometimes there is resistance to positive change that may not make much sense on the surface. We may cling to negative habits and behaviors, and then berate ourselves for it. Just as it is easy to judge a woman who stays with an abusive partner, it is easy to judge yourself for binge eating when you want to regulate your food consumption, or going on a shopping spree when you are trying to get out of credit card debt. This can become self hatred. The more loss, trauma, and difficulty you have had, especially early on in life, the more complex the road is to healing. Reaching a point where you can find ways to nurture yourself is a big accomplishment. It is important to be sensitive to yourself and understand what will work for you. Sometimes this involves such small steps it can be very frustrating at first. Try not to compare yourself to others--there will always be someone else who seems to be better at doing what you would like or having what you want. Now that we have just passed through another holiday season you may be able to see just how much stress, hurts, and self judgment can increase at this time of year. Step Three: Being persistent Maybe your partner or spouse isn't that supportive of your desire to live a healthier life style or is unable/unwilling to work with his/her own negative habits. How do you keep on trying without giving in or giving up? Persistence is an interesting quality. Sometimes it's better to let go and move on, sometimes it's more important to hang in there despite disappointments and discouragement. What is your persistence factor? Do you find that you are someone who keeps trying no matter what? Can you let go when you need to? Can you stick with a solution-plan when there are ups and downs? Most people who are successful with stress reduction can attest to the need for persistence, since most healthy stress reduction behavior takes time to show results. For example, breathing techniques, meditation, yoga, exercise, all take practice to have an impact on anxiety. In AA it's suggested that newcomers find support from people who have been working the steps over a period of time--people who have found some degree of serenity and sobriety over time--and this seems to me to be very good advice. What can you do to find role models who can support you on the road to better self-care? How can you cultivate patience for the process, and persistence to reach your goals? Step Four: Sharing ideas and getting support It is hard to practice just about anything all on your own! This is why there are so many groups, classes, and online forums, not to mention text messages and phone calls to friends and relatives. Groups and classes can help us get new ideas, share our own thoughts and experiences, encourage us, and help us stay on track. On the Mayo Clinic webpage about stress reduction they say that support from family, friends, and coworkers can have a strong healing impact when you are under stress. Support gives you a way to belong, which reduces loneliness, fosters better self esteem, and enhances feelings of security. If you do not have a supportive family, you are not alone. That's a good reason to reach out into the world to find friends and support groups that can accomplish the same things as family support. When you are depressed or traumatized, it is very easy to isolate yourself. That is why sometimes people decide to pursue individual therapy as a step towards connecting with another person. It is helpful to look at the patterns of your friendships and intimate relationships to see if you are repeating hurtful experiences from earlier times. There are many steps to reduce stress. You may want to continue to write or journal about your experience, successes, and disappointments. In this new year of 2010 you may want to think about setting intentions rather than resolutions. The difference is that an intention is a direction you can be flexible with. A resolution is a goal that may be more black and white, more success/ failure oriented. With an intention, you could say to yourself, I would like to eat more vegetables, and I will make that an option for myself as much as I can. With a resolution you might say, I will eat more vegetables. If you dont follow the resolution, you could end up feeling failure. Or you might push yourself very hard for awhile and then get tired or bored with the goal. Flexibility is the key. So heres to an intention to have a more flexible 2010!About the Author:
Phyllis Klein is a licensed clinical social worker with a private practice in San Francisco and Palo Alto, CA. She specializes in women's issues including eating disorders, low self esteem, relationship issues, depression, and childhood trauma. Phyllis can be reached at staff@womenstherapyservices.com or through her website, http://www.womenstherapyservices.com
