subject: Do You Hate Yourself, Wish You Were Someone Else Or Feel That Something Is Missing In Your Life? [print this page] Do you sit there and search for answers to help yourself? Do you think you are into self-help but deep down wish or wait for someone to save you, help you or make you better?
Do you fantasize about becoming rich, fit, funny or popular and think you will feel better then?
Helping yourself is about going inwards to discover what is true.
There is a truth of you as a seemingly separate object we call a person; your experience of life, your emotional truth, your perceptions, interpretations and ideas of the way you and the world are. And the secret of self-help is to start with being brutally honest about what is true for you in each moment.
If you are angry or sad or worried then let it be OK that you are having this experience. All experiences are valid; there are no right or wrong experiences.
If there is something there in your experience then it is there, end of story. Why do you then have to go and judge this experience good or bad? Simply notice it, be curious about it and allow it.
Human Beings get into trouble and cause suffering for themselves by denial and resistance. Denial of what is there. Denying what is actually there; resisting what is actually there.
When you become aware and more conscious you will see just how often you feel the impulse to withhold and lie. You lie to yourself and this is usually not overly obvious to you. You act in-congruent with your feelings and you think it is the proper thing to do. Sometimes it is obvious and you make it OK for you to lie and perform.
You often pretend. You know you pretend. You put on a performance to fit in with a crowd and maintain a self-image. Then afterward you head home and feel deep down that there must be something wrong with you if you have to pretend. You have made yourself not OK enough because you had to pretend.
Your experience in this moment is valid! It is just as valid as the most popular person in the room. It is as valid as the most powerful person. Your experience, your feelings and your thoughts, are valid.
This may not be the first choice preferred experience and given a choice you might choose something else, but the 'part' of you that would choose another experience is not going about this in the best way.
Have you ever stopped to notice there is a 'you-part' that wants another 'you-part' to go away or change?
For you to want to change there must be a split going on. One part of you is judging the other part as not good enough.
Is this a truth? Are there actually two distinct parts of you, or have you created in your mind a split and judged some experiences good and some bad? You are trying to get rid of the bad aren't you?
So what is self-help?
Self-help for me is first of all becoming honest. Always be as congruent in your whole being as you can. The main point is to first be completely honest and acknowledge that what is there for you is there and is valid.
Remove denial and resistance from your tool box and learn to live freely.
