subject: Symptom Assessment and Conflict in Marriage [print this page] Symptom Assessment and Conflict in Marriage
Assessment Interview
Asking the following questions will help you to get a better picture of the spouses conflict styles and the impact conflict has had in their marriage:
How often do the two of you fight?
Do you have more good times or more bad times?
Are your fights ever violent?
Are your fights heated?
Are your fights more or less discussions or negotiations?
Are either one of you hit below the beltwhen having conflict (see below)?
Do you stay calm when you fight?
With this conflict style, couples rarely if ever confront a conflict head on. Instead, the marriage motto is agree to disagree.The couple acknowledges that they are different, strong willed, independent individuals, and that they will have different opinions on some issues. As long as the couple agrees on most things, the relationship can continue to grow.
Historically, many mental health professionals have considered Avoidant and Volatile conflict styles to be destructive to marriages. However Gottmans research suggests that all three styles are equally acceptable for maintaining or building a healthy marriage. (1)
Gottman has found that it doesnt really matter what conflict style a couple uses. What matters is that there are enough positive interactions in the marriage to counter the negative ones. It is believed that between 4-20 positive interactions are necessary to counter one negative interaction.
However, arguments can sometimes lead to dirty fighting between husband and wife. A dirty fight is one that alienates or hurts a spouse. When this happens, bitterness, anger, resentment, and even thoughts of divorce or violence can take root in a marriage. Often when spouses are fighting dirty they are doing so because of a profound heart problem.
With this conflict style, couples rarely if ever confront a conflict head on. Instead, the marriage motto is agree to disagree.The couple acknowledges that they are different, strong willed, independent individuals, and that they will have different opinions on some issues. As long as the couple agrees on most things, the relationship can continue to grow.
Historically, many mental health professionals have considered Avoidant and Volatile conflict styles to be destructive to marriages. However Gottmans research suggests that all three styles are equally acceptable for maintaining or building a healthy marriage. (1)
Gottman has found that it doesnt really matter what conflict style a couple uses. What matters is that there are enough positive interactions in the marriage to counter the negative ones. It is believed that between 4-20 positive interactions are necessary to counter one negative interaction.Take help from internet counseing.
However, arguments can sometimes lead to dirty fighting between husband and wife. A dirty fight is one that alienates or hurts a spouse. When this happens, bitterness, anger, resentment, and even thoughts of divorce or violence can take root in a marriage. Often when spouses are fighting dirty they are doing so because of a profound heart problem.
