subject: Don't Let Your Past Control Your Future [print this page] Don't Let Your Past Control Your Future Don't Let Your Past Control Your Future
Have you ever heard the saying, "He who refuses to learn from the mistakes of his past is doomed to repeat them in the future"? The idea is simple. If something was done one way at one time and produced a negative result in your past, doing that same thing again in the future will most likely produce that same result. It makes sense therefore, to examine our behavior carefully and consider whether, if doing something a certain way doesn't work, trying something different. If this is true, why do so many of us continue doing things the same old way and continue making the same old mistakes, often sabotaging our own success?
Think about your own life for a minute: your relationships, the amount of money you make, your job and consider what you are unhappy with. Do you tend to blame others for your failures or do you realize it is really you who is responsible for where you are in life? It's true: how we act in each and every situation affects the results we get in life, and much of this behavior is connected with things that have happened to us in the past. We become governed by significant events in our past and when we encounter situations that somehow connect to these past events, we react subconsciously based on our feelings about the event, whether that behavior helps or hurts the situation. Let me provide a quick example.
Let's pretend that you and your father had a tenuous relationship. One that often resulted in arguments and unresolved conflict. You resented his controlling of you and he never respected your true thoughts and feelings. Now, when you deal with another person who reminds you of your father (could be their look, dress, how they act towards you or anything else that triggers these anchored' feelings) you begin to respond as you would to your father. Rather than truly listen to the other person and try to identify with them, you put up a wall and begin to fight with them. As a consequence, you often end with a result that is much less than satisfactory. You might even replay this same scenario again and again throughout your life, all because of feelings you have associated with this anchor', which in this case is related to your father. This is one of the core principles of neuro linguistic programming.
NLP deals with how humans act and react to things in their life based on the thoughts and feelings they have developed through events and occurrences experiences throughout their lives. These thoughts and feelings shape who we are and sometimes they help us, but other times they can cause harm. The good news is that you can change these associations to produce more positive interactions.
In the example given above, you might try associating thoughts of your father with something very positive. Instead of thinking about conflict, think about times when you got along very well and all the happy times you spent with your father. By consciously associating your father with pleasant memories in this way, when times occur in the future where someone unconsciously reminds you of your father, it is more likely that the result will be a positive one therefore resulting in a more positive outcome in the new situation.
Now that you have a basic understanding of how NLP can affect your behavior, you can examine other areas of your life to try to uncover these associations. Swapping out negative ones for positive ones can potentially help you navigate the rough waters of life in a calmer and more productive way.
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