subject: Accepting Yourself and Your Sexuality [print this page] Accepting Yourself and Your Sexuality Accepting Yourself and Your Sexuality
You think you know yourself better than anyone else, after all, you've lived with yourself, your emotions, needs and most intimate desires for sixteen, eighteen perhaps even twenty-one years and yet ... And yet there is something niggling at the back of your mind, something confusing and not quite right. Something which doesn't quite fit in with your life experiences so far. You've started thinking about your sexuality, your emotions and desires recently and discovered that they are not exactly those which everyone else has. You find yourself overlooking the football team captain or that quarterback with the amazing biceps and broad, muscled chestand admiring the form and figure of the cheerleaders. At night, when you allow your fantasy full run to relieve the normal frustrations and desires we all experience, your mind wanders towards that well-built woman you saw in the mall today and your vivid imagination brings the two of you together for a few moments of the most intimate passion. You worry that this might be abnormal, that there is something wrong with you, that you might be a Lesbian.
It seems as if everything in our modern society is keyed towards the heterosexual couple. You merely need to take a glance at advertising campaigns, at clubs and bars, marriage, politics and society in general to see the direction most people, companies and societies head. Yet a surprisingly large portion of ourmodern society doesn't fit in with these stereotypical images, a large section of those people we meet, converse with, generally associate with are different. They are not the target customers, the marketplace for advertising; they are not the generally accepted couples looking to improve their kitchens, buy a bigger car or advance their standing in the workplace. It may well be that you are one of these outsiders, that you are different from the masses.
Idaresay you've heard many tales of men and women Coming Out and declaring themselves as Gay or Lesbian. It seems to be something of a trend in the music industry that this artist, that singer Outs themselves as being gay and then, a few weeks or months later, admits that this Outing is a fake - perhaps merely a management strategy to gain access to a new and growing marketplace - and that they are just as normal as you or I.
Except that they are not. No matter how much you try and suppress these feelings, they continue coming to the fore, keep visiting your dreams and enhancing your fantasies. Perhaps it is time for you to take a good look at yourself, and get to know your innermost feelings, your emotions, your sexuality properly by Coming Out to yourself and by confronting your fears.
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Has anything changed since yesterday, since last week? Perhaps that spot you were worrying about has vanished, or you've caught a bit of sun but, apart from that? I think you'll find that you are exactly the same person in appearance as the person who stood before this self-samemirror this morning to wash and brush her teeth. There is no label on your forehead announcing to the world that you're interested in women.
Have you got a full-length mirror at home? If so, strip off and stand in front of it for a while. Take a good look at your body from every direction. It's fair to say that none of us are really one hundred percent happy with our bodies, that there are little things we'd all like to improve, to bring to perfection one way or another, but is your body any different now? Has it changed since you began getting these dark thoughts about sexuality and your own personal inclinations? Take a look at yourself fully clothed in the mirror: this is what other people see at home, at work, in the classroom. Aside from changing fashions, I doubt that you can see any real difference in your appearance.
The purpose of these first two exercises is to show you that nothing has physically changed; on the outside you are still the same person that you always were, the same person that everyone else sees whenever they meet up with you, when you pass them on the street, in the mall or wherever. What you need to come to terms with, what you need to accept, is stored within you where no one else can see and that is where you need to go now.
Find yourself a quiet place where you can sit and think, undisturbed, for however long it takes. Why do you have these dark thoughts about other women? Why do you find women more attractive, in a sexual sense, then men? Are they wrong?
Firstly I can tell you, from personal experience, that there is nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with these thoughts. Men have such thoughts about women, women about men. Your thoughts, your inclinations, are merely directed to people of your own sex. It is fair to say that everyone, even the most hardened heterosexuals, has these thoughts at some stage in their life. Most suppress them as best they can and, in effect, lie to themselves. You are different; you are prepared to consider these thoughts and how much of a role they play in your life.
Secondly I can tell you, again from personal experience, that you have these thoughts, these desires, because they are an innate part of you and your character.
Thirdly, and perhaps one of the most important points, do not suppress them. Do not lie to yourself or try to be someone who you are not; your life will bemiserable as a result and one day, perhaps in twenty or thirty years, you will realise that you made a wrong decision and have to turn your entire life over on its head, hurting not only yourself but also those around you.
What you need to do, gradually and in your own time, is accept yourself for who you really are. You need to Come Out to yourself.
This is not so life altering as it may first seem, but it is the first step in a new direction, towards a new and equally fulfilling life. No one else needs to be involved: that talk with your parents filled with a lack of understanding, with recriminations and false sympathy over a passing phase in your young life is totally unnecessary. You don't need to stand up in class or at your workplace and let the world around you know that you're different, that you find women sexually attractive. Being a Lesbian is an absolutely normal way of life, a normal part of your life, and an exceptionally fulfilling one too. Once you have accepted yourself for what you are you can begin the next stage in your development and live life to the full.
