subject: Handling Rejection with Style And Little Hurt to the Self-esteem [print this page] Handling Rejection with Style And Little Hurt to the Self-esteem
"A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success." Bo Bennett
One of the major roadblocks to self-expression is the fear of rejection. People will go to their grave with the song still in them because of that fear. Wonderful opportunities have been lost and the quality of life has been dwarfed for many because of it. The fear of rejection, in the best-case scenarios, is very annoying and in extreme cases, it's a debilitating curse.
Before we can learn how to handle successfully the fear of rejection, we need to understand its nature. The fear of rejection is a phobia. It's an excessive fear of something that is innocuous or harmless. It's an exaggerated reaction toward an imaginary threat. Nothing else.
The worst that a rejection can cause is a bruised ego. Nobody ever died of a bruised ego. However, that is not what a person in the throe of the fear of rejection will perceive. Just as is the case of any phobia, the response to the threat is highly exaggerated and the fight or flight response may become be activated.
When that happens, a benign threat will be perceived as an eminent danger that could have devastating if not of deadly consequences. That's what a person affected with the fear of rejection will feel and that's what his reality will be. No wonder that the response takes on such a disproportionate dimensions.
Eliminating the fear of rejection is affected primarily through a desensitizing process. The possible effects of rejection must be carefully and logically scrutinized. The following questions must be carefully examined, "What will happen to me if someone manifests, in words or in action, some expression of disapproval, criticism, resentment or rejection?"
If we have to be honest and sincere about it, the worst that can follow a rejection is a bruised ego. And that is only in the cases where we will allow our ego to be affected by the incident. Words by themselves have no power to hurt us that is, unless we allow it to be.
The more we explore the real effects of rejection, the more we understand that it has little consequences or significance. Someone does not like us or disagree with us; so what? Everyone his entitled to an opinion and we certainly don't have to share it.
No one can rise in the social hierarchy without gathering a proportional share of people who will disagree, show unwarranted resentment and express some form of rejection. It goes with the territory. Champions, winners and mover and shakers know that and understand that it's a very small price to pay for the life that they live and enjoy.
In the Stone Age, rejection meant that you could be excluded from the clan and left out of support and resources. This is no longer the case. In today's world, rejection might even be seen as a sign of personal success. If you're a nobody, no one will criticize and reject you; you're not worth the effort. On the other hand, as you rise above the crowd, some opposition is to be expected.
No one enjoys criticism and rejection. On the other hand, incidents involving opposition have to be seen in the proper context. If someone else is on a different wavelength, it's not necessarily a reflection on our self-worth. It takes a big person to be understanding, forgiving and tolerant. Not everyone has reach that level. So, let's not be overly affected when we come across one of those poor souls who tries to rain on our parade. It's not worth the time or efforts.
