subject: How do I become who I want to be? [print this page] How do I become who I want to be? How do I become who I want to be?
"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." (Napoleon Hill).
Whenever you are faced with a situation which looks like adversity, take a minute to stop and look at it free from emotional turmoil.
Put the issue on the table'. Detach emotion. Detach fear of consequence. Just look at it for what it really is.
Geta clear understanding of the issue and some thoughts on why this looks like adversity for you (after all, a spider is fearful to one and beautiful to another).
Think about what character trait/s you would need to have in order to deal with this situation well. Maybe a little peace, a little calm would help you to see more clearly.
Here's an example:
Saysomeone cuts me off in traffic and I get so angry that I want to get out and beat them up. They're making me late and I'll miss my important meeting, they almost scratched my car and I can't afford the insurance, it's hot and I'm already agitated!!!
We have:
The issue, which triggers
The fear of consequence, which causes
The emotional reaction
When the issue is looked at through the lens of emotion and fear of consequence, it appears to be a mountain, when in fact it is but a molehill.
So, look at the issuegetting cut off in traffic. When looked at without fear of consequence and emotion, it is merely that the driver of one car maneuvered their vehicle into the path of another car causing the driver of the second car to take a forcedaction. Plain and simple.
Put the fear of consequence in the mix (late for meeting, increasedinsurance) then add an emotional reaction which fuels the fire and soon you have a blazing inferno.
It's funny that we then reflect on the situation once we've climbed down off the emotional high and sometimes have to laugh at ourselves and our OTT (over the top) reactions. It's not so funny when you're in the middle of the reaction though, is it!
But, it is precisely this process of reflection, as well as the willingness to learn, that will help us to grow and develop healthy new character traits. After all, we can't keep going round and round the same bush and expect to ever get anywhere useful. So, let's take a look at the situation when the emotional heat has cooled down and learn the lessons that need to be learned.
Ask yourself these questions:
Why did I get angry?
What am I afraid of?
No really, what am I afraid of? (What's at the root?)
That fear is the fact' of the situation, but what is the Truth'
Replace the fact' with the Truth'
Determine to recognize when that fear rears its ugly head again and try to remember the lesson learned. Slowly but surely, your reactions to that stimuli will change and soon you will not react from that fear ever again!
Building our character is the best way to ensure that we deal well with the ups and downs of everyday life. If we have the character to deal with what comes, then events will no longer have the power to topple us.
