subject: When is the Right Time for a Caregiver Vacation? [print this page] When is the Right Time for a Caregiver Vacation?
It's summer. The neighborhood is emptying. Everyone is on their way to their favorite vacation spot. Everyone that is except the family caregivers. We caregivers think we can never go away, because we are responsible for the health and well being of an aging parent or ailing relative. They need us more than we need a break. True or false?
How many times have you heard that as a caregiver you have to take care of yourself or you won't be able to care for your loved one? We all know that it's one of those things that seem to be easier said than done. How can we decide much care we need, and when do we need it?
The Family Caregiver Desperation Scale helps caregivers get a sense of when the line has been crossed from "A break would be nice" to "I'd better get out of here right now!" You may recognize yourself at several different places on the Scale in one 24 hour period. That's normal. But when you find yourself at the upper range of the Scale on a regular basis, it is time to pack your bags.
THE FAMILY CAREGIVER DESPERATION SCALE
Low end of the Desperation Scale:
You have a feeling of optimism and a strong sense of resolve to make things better for your loved one. You do not recognize that these feelings have already placed you on the lowest level of The Family Caregiver Desperation Scale.
Middle of the Desperation Scale:
You have become friendly with the pizza delivery guy. Lately no one in your household, including you, has clean underwear. When you remember to mow the lawn, you find there is no need, as the grass is dead from lack of water. That's okay, because the lawnmower is out of gas.
Top end of the Desperation Scale:
Your mind is a blank. All you know is that you are working harder and harder as things go from bad to worse. You find yourself experiencing a feeling that can only be called despair. You never really understood the meaning of the word "overwhelmed." All you can think is that you wish this would end.
If you have reached level the middle range on the Scale and have not reached out for hands on help with your loved one yet, now is the time. If you do have help, it is time to call on that assistance and take a day off or, even better, get the respite of at least a week away.
A week or even a day away may sound impossible, but a caregiver who has reached the top end on the Scale must have some time for renewal and some space to remember who he or she is in order to go on. This is not weakness, but simply human limits, a place many have reached before you and others are reaching as you read this. Do not ignore what your feelings and your body are telling you. Take a break. Now.
Caregivers who locate themselves anywhere on the Scale also need to plan a vacation this summer. Maybe it doesn't need to happen tomorrow, but you need to take that break before the leaves fall.
The Family Caregiver Desperation Scale (also known as The Caregiver Desperation Scale) is not a clinically validated instrument, although all of the items on the Scale come out of our real life experiences and those of friends and clients. The American Medical Association has published another self-help instrument for caregivers called the Caregiver Self-Assessment Questionnaire which can be found at http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/upload/mm/36/caregivertooleng.pdf.
As a caregiver it is important to check your levels of stress regularly. This way you will be able to be the good and compassionate caregiver that you want to be and remain sane at the same time.
