subject: Forgiveness is not Forgetting, It's a Process [print this page] Forgiveness is not Forgetting, It's a Process
I can not stress enough the importance of forgiveness in a relationship. Jesus said, we must forgive our brother 70 times 7 times a day. I can not think of anybody, who might offend you so many times during a day as the person you're living with and spend most of your time. We must learn to forgive each other, on a daily basis, and we must learn to say, please forgive me when we have done something wrong or when we hurt our partner in any way.
By forgiving each other, I don't mean, "o.k. you just hurt me, come here let me give you a hug to show you that I've forgiven you". No, forgiveness is a process. If, I cut you with a knife and cause a flesh wound, it will take time for that flesh wound to heal. Obviously, the length of the time for the healing will depend on how big and deep the wound is.
If I said something to offend my wife, even if it was unintentional, which most of the time it is. I should go to her in humbleness and sincerity and say "I'm sorry for what I said". She might give me a hug right then, or she might not be ready to give me a hug, in which case I should wait for her to be ready. Usually before the day is finished, she comes to me and gives me a hug.
Or I can use a more extreme example of a husband who cheated on his wife. After the wife finds out, obviously she is hurt. But if there is a sincere repentance on her husband's part and she would like her marriage to survive, then shemust forgive him. This doesn't mean that she must jump in bed with him right away. But she can say to him, "Honey, I have forgiven you, just give me time to heal before we can sleep together again". His part would be to respect his wife's decision and help her during her healing process by doing acts of kindness and love towards her, and showing her sincereacts of repentance. This is one way forgiveness works in a marriage. Her wound is deeper, and would require more time for it to heal. Patience goes with forgiveness.
Forgiveness would also be putting it behind you and not bringing it up again. If she says to him, "I forgive you, but is constantly reminding him of his mistake, then it's not true forgiveness." Forgiveness is not labeling a person according to his faults. Jesus has forgiven us for our sins and is not constantly reminding us of our faults. This is true forgiveness.
Wishing your marriage the best.
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