subject: Divorce: Give Yourself Time To Think So You Can Deal With The Rest Of Your Family [print this page] Don't take this the wrong way, but kids do cause a lot of stress. Sometimes it's good stress. When the little dears are asleep and all you have to worry about is whether or not they've kicked their blankets off, they're not so bad. The rest of the time, they are awake.
Kids who are unhappy with their parent's divorce can be especially difficult. Not only must a parent cope with his / her own doubts and fears, they must try to manage the situation for their kids so as to make it less scary and stressful. It is a bit like the airlines warning you to put your own mask on before helping someone else.
You really could loose your breath while trying to put an oxygen mask on an uncooperative child. Its nearly impossible to meet both of your needs at the same time. These tips may help you and your kids get through.
1. Take the kids for an out of town visit to someone you trust. Grandparents are good. Aunts, uncles or friends are also good. The whole family might enjoy a break from the divorce and its problems, not to mention your ex.
2. If you can't or don't want to go, think about letting the kids go on their own. It could be calming to spend a week or so alone. Having a chance to think about your current situation and not have to worry about planning dinner or doing laundry for the whole family might refresh your whole perspective and ability to cope.
3. Learn a new skill if money is the problem. There are plenty of on-line courses that can teach you what you need to know to get a decent job. They cost a little money, but anything that makes you more employable is a sound investment.
4. Accept the fact that your ex is a jerk. You wouldn't be divorcing if you could trust him. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way it should. Don't second guess yourself with questions about what would have happened if you had acted differently. Your marriage fell apart, but that doesn't mean you are unlovable. It just means you and your spouse didn't see life the same way.
5. Watch your own health. Eat nutritious food and get plenty of exercise. You may feel like neglecting those areas of your life, but what you eat and how you treat your body can have a lot to do with how stress effects you.
6. Treat yourself right. Take relaxing bubble baths, or buy a new pair of shoes. It is too easy to feel undeserving of luxury when you've been rejected by someone important. Your heart may not be in it at first, but if you're nice to yourself, you'll begin to feel worthy again.
7. Don't rush yourself to start dating again. But, join clubs, and groups that interest you. Give yourself time to feel what you've lost. But, don't completely shut the rest of the world out. . Meeting different people and making new friends will help you get your mind off yourself, your spouse and the divorce and its challenges.
These suggestions may not seem to be about your kids. However, it is like the air plane example I gave earlier. If you take care of yourself, you will be healthier. If you are healthier, you'll be better able to cope with your kids' adjustment, no matter what the little dears throw at you.
