subject: Save Your Marriage Before the Curtain Comes Down [print this page] Save Your Marriage Before the Curtain Comes Down
Unless one of the partners in the marriage is a flippant and frivolous kind of person, it takes a lot of motivation and desperation to call off a marriage, no matter what the duration is or the effects this decision will have on the spouse or the rest of the family. However, if there is intrinsic love and respect for each other, you could still save your marriage and salvage the situation before it gets too late.
Though it is critically important to know why the split up happened in the first place, we are not going to talk about it right now presuming that you already have a clear idea what or who is responsible for breaking up your marriage. Let us think more positive and discuss ways to save your marriage, where the most important point to remember is that the intention to save it has to be present in both of you. It is impossible to save your marriage where only you express keenness to repair the damages and the other simply sits back and assesses your progress. In case you see this happening, it is better that you stop further efforts to save your marriage, instead release the person from the bondage.
Let us begin where it normally begins when a marriage turns sour: total breakage in communication; disinterest in all activities where you play a role; staying away from any intimacy including sex; shying away from any social interaction; resorting to various types of addiction; staying away from home as much as possible; frequent outbursts of temper - in fact ask any person going through a bad marriage and he or she would come up with more gory incidents. Be that as it may, you somehow sense that the days are numbered when your spouse is either going to leave home or announce the intention for splitting. Ideally, as an intelligent and aware spouse, you should start work to save your marriage at the earliest signal before the snowballing effect starts to show. But even if you blame events on other causes like stress at work, loss of job, death in the family, ill health, a ominous combination of all or whatever, make it a point to keep a close watch on the way things are moving if you want to save your marriage. Here are some tips which have always proved right, no matter what the individual situations are:
- Before you start your efforts to save your marriage think and write down the issues which are bothering you. Do not rely on memory and never start any discussion on the subject when one or both of you are in a bad mood. Pick up an opportune moment, preferably when there is no one at home, or somewhere where you can talk without any interruption when you can gradually broach the topic.
- Sound positive and express your sincerity of purpose right at the beginning. Make it very clear that you are very keen to save your marriage and this discussion is not to blame each other or pin-point each other's inadequacies. Try to make this meeting constructive rather than wasting time on trivia.
- To save your marriage, discuss issues openly and frankly, without using abusive or hurtful words. Even if your spouse has made umpteen mistakes including acts of insensitivity, carelessness, irresponsible behavior, etc - you do not have to bring up those topics rudely. For example, if excessive alcohol consumption is an issue between the two of you, talk about health concerns more than anything else. If there is a third person who is disrupting the marriage, never abuse or underestimate the other person - in stead, make polite enquiries and ask your spouse abut his or her future intentions, depending on which you could chalk out your future course of actions to save your marriage.
- Spend as much time as possible with each other. Invite your spouse to that quaint little restaurant where you have spent many happy hours earlier. The whole idea is to talk and open up your hearts in a peaceful and relaxed environment. This also includes planning a short holiday, where you could be together for a long stretch of time. The touch therapy still works. Touch your spouse whenever wherever just to show that you are there and you care.
Forgiveness, patience and perseverance are perhaps the most important tools you need to save your marriage. The critical issue here is not to waste time in wishful thinking or even allowing hatred and anger to build up. It spoils the chances to save your marriage even further.
