subject: Single For The Holidays? How To Attract Love Without Trying [print this page] If you have been single for a while and fed up with the lack of available men, you probably feel a little anxious about the upcoming holidays. Dreading going through another season alone, you force yourself more than ever to get out there and meet Mr. Right immediately.
The urgency can move you out of your comfort zone but can also increase the pressure on yourself and those you meet to make love happen. The problem I see in most women is not that they try too hard to make love appear on command.
By now, you may have read about the law of attraction and have been visualizing your ideal man. Just being aware that you are in control of your life through the power of thought can be a daunting responsibility. Often times, this idea makes women feel as though they are "doing it all wrong" when their dream guy doesn't manifest out of thin air. They feel worse about themselves which only leads to more pressure on the single life situation.
Through my work with thousands of people, I have found that some singles have deep blocks to love that need to be addressed before they can have a fulfilling, healthy relationship. However, there are so many I work with who have all the knowledge, wisdom and self-awareness except for one small detail...they simply just try too hard and get frustrated too easily.
Feeling pressure and forcing it to happen can lead to many disappointments. One, when they meet someone they like, they lose their cool and end up pushing the man away. Two, they settle for less than they deserve just to have someone. Three, they may even go back to an old relationship or continue to hang on to one that is not working to avoid being alone. Nothing good can come out of desperation.
When you feel anxious for love, you lose a bargaining chip. Your subconscious mind sends a signal to every man you meet that you are an easy target. You lose your power. The man becomes the prize you must attain and, sadly, some men abuse that power. They will take you for granted, not call or call at the last minute because they know they already "got you." Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but this is what I see happen all the time.
Being single into my forties, I am so clear on what you are feeling. Of course, you want a companion to share your life with and there is nothing wrong with that. The pain of a lonely holiday season is a very familiar experience to me and it is very real to you. However, don't let your pain or desire for love take anything away from you or what you have to offer. You have to realize that you are amazing, you are the prize. Your time is coming.
If you can find a way to have the desire, but let go of the tension around it, you will stop trying so hard. Think about a rope tied in a tight knot inside of you. Find a way to loosen that knot inside and be more flexible and patient with your dating experience. Remember that being single is a life situation, not a life sentence. At any moment, your dating destiny can change.
When I met Roberto, I decided to join a dating service not because I thought that was the answer to meeting my ideal guy, but because I was just fed up with dating men who weren't interested in a commitment. I figured I would spend some time getting to know new men. I really did not expect that this was the "magic key" to finding love especially since I had no luck the last time I joined this service. I can tell you that I almost didn't even want to renew my membership but I had an internal nudging that pushed me in that direction.
Since I really didn't have any big expectations, I had a relaxed energy around the process. I was completely authentic on my profile (didn't try to sound a certain way in order to get more responses). He picked up on my ease, genuine happiness in life and he was attracted to me because of that.
Everyone has a different way to approach this idea of "not trying too hard." One way to help you relax is to develop faith. Whether you find support in a higher power or God or within yourself, reach inside and know that you are a great person and you deserve to be happy. Instead of looking out there for reinforcement that you are lovable, turn your attention inward (or upward) and have compassion for beautiful you.
Trust that your time is coming and let go of the details. Love is looking for you, but the tension is the energy that just pushes him further away.
I am not saying this is an easy task and does take some practice. Think about holding a pen. When you are gripping too tight you cannot write, or when you are holding it too lose the pen will fall out of your hand. Holding it just right is the key and finding the balance in your extremes.
When you feel like the tension is building and your mind starts freaking out about being single, just interrupt the pattern of thought by saying a mantra to yourself. You may find it helpful to say, "my love is on his way to me" or "I trust that a great relationship is coming to me very soon."
As you continue to stop the mind from going off the deep end into despair, you will be able to manage it more effectively. Eventually, you will get into a new habit of feeling relaxed around your love life. You ultimately find the secret to attract love without even trying.
