subject: Long Term Relationships Between Older Woman and Younger Man [print this page] Long Term Relationships Between Older Woman and Younger Man
At this period in History, when serial monogamy and high divorce rate is seemed to be norm for many couples, we wondered about the nature of long unions. Mr Wolfman Jack once quote, "Love is not a matter of counting the years- it is making the years count?"
What makes a couple stay together for five, ten, twenty or more years? For one, the expectation that we can really totally change the other person no longer exists, if it ever did. Think about it when each of us grow older, starting the day we are born, we become more of who we are and who we were meant to be. No two person are exactly alike, one is active and the other is quiet. These are the qualities that they will stay around for all of life. If that the person is unhappy about that trait, they will look to change it. But no one else can do it.
In long-term relationships, there is not only an allowance for each partner to have time for himself or herself. but, more than that, there is encouragement. The motion behind this is " You are who you are and I love you for it, and I am who I am and I know you feel the same." While affirming this relationship status, the two of them will recognize the need to be authentically themselves. No one is a slave to the other.
Long term relation also have to do with the lack of fear. Fear could be anything, but is actually wrapped in the word "What if" syndrome. For example " Yes I think it is all very good right now. But.... what if... tomorrow, I am retrenched, hate each other; disagree on some major issues, have to take care of each other? and go on and on and on. Instead of enjoying each other company now, the beauty of the moment and just living and loving, the anxiety is projected into the future with a million possibilities none of which, most likely, will ever happen. But it takes time and energy for all these worries to get going and little is left over for just staying in the present and feeling the fullness of life.
Couples who remain in long-term relationships have freed themselves from these "What if" demons. Avoiding these horrid demons can be a major challenge for older woman who have younger man as a partner. For here again, based upon the myths of aging, the "What if" turn into " When I am 70 and you are 50, will you still love me?" The reverse is also possible. "When I am 50 and you are 70, will we still have something in common and will I still care? Commitment, however, is commitment.
If the older woman and younger man couple is going to make it for their long-term relationship, they have a good head start because they have already broken the ice and gone against the old society. They put their energies, ideas, feelings and love into their relationship. If doubt begins to creep in and demons poke their little forks at you, you can just toss off by thinking of all the many reasons you choose this particular person and how perfect match for both of you. What is little known in modern society is that according to research on aging, the least viable factor of importance is the actual age of the person. What is the most relevant to age, is not the day you are born but how you feel. Yes not even how you look is as important.
If and when you are feeling testy about longtime relationships and remaining committed, is to do this exercise or a visualization to imagine yourself without your partner. Close your eyes, get into emotions and feel fully your inner experience. See yourself alone. Now feel yourself with your partner and feel their presence. Smell them, touch their skin with your eyes remained closed. Feel the sensation come to you. Open your eyes and be aware of the experience. Also ask your partner to do the same and reaffirm to each other about your long-term commitment. Finish off with a toast or hug each other to love forever and more.
