subject: How To Make The Most Of Your Efforts To Save Your Marriage After Cheating [print this page] How To Make The Most Of Your Efforts To Save Your Marriage After Cheating
The effort to save your marriage after cheating should never be an insignificant one. That, of course, doesn't mean that you want to get the most "bang for your buck" so to speak out of it. There are things you can do to maximize your efforts so that you are getting the best possible impact from them.
1) Don't make a single move without thinking two moves ahead. There is so much damage that is done in the heat of the moment. Feelings are hurt, nerves are frayed, and hearts are broken. This is not the time to have long drawn out discussions. You need to take a step back and really think about every word you say and how it will be received by the person you love and really don't want to hurt. Never lash out in anger at a time like this or you will say something you cannot take back and are quite likely to regret.
2) Write your feelings down. Record them on pen and paper. Get all the poison out of your system and then watch the words burn. Don't keep this paper around because this is something you don't want your spouse to read ever. This is your own personal form of therapy. As you watch the bad feelings go up and smoke you can enjoy your own release and freedom from those negative emotions that were holding you back from the successful marriage you know you can have.
3) Create a plan for saving your marriage and for keeping your marriage on track once you have. Success requires planning whether it's success for your marriage, your career, or your education. Come up with a plan for your marriage that is actionable and achievable and then get busy making that plan happen. It's even better when the two of you sit down together to create a plan that you're both willing and committed to making happen.
4) Apologize to your spouse in writing. When you put your apology in writing rather than just telling your spouse you're doing two important things. First, you're allowing yourself to edit the words before they are heard (or in this case read) by your spouse. This will help you avoid saying things that can be misconstrued. Second, you are make sure that your spouse hears the words you want to say from the heart and that you don't accidently stick your foot in your mouth or get tongue-tied before you manage to make your point.
