subject: Fear Of Intimacy - Do I Have This Fear, Do You? [print this page] Fear Of Intimacy - Do I Have This Fear, Do You?
Copyright (c) 2010 Steve M NashWhat the heck is fear of intimacy? And do I have this intimacy fear? Do you? Is it simply the fear of getting 'close' to someone, and if so why would anyone be frightened of 'closeness'?Hmm, well I'm not going to answer these questions definitively in this intimacy fear article, but I am going to explore some of the possible answers - to look for clues.And maybe my exploration may help your own.So, okay, what is fear of intimacy?Well, online dictionaries (like Wiktionary.com) have it as something like an "anxiety disorder resulting in difficulty forming close relationships with another person."And my own instinctive answer to this question is that it's an irrational fear of the unknown, or some kind of emotional immaturity (most often encountered in men). AND, more importantly, it is NOT something I suffer from. (I DON'T have an anxiety disorder, for one thing!)Hmm, it seems my instinct answers are quite intellectual, as well as defensive.So, do I have fear of intimacy? No! But why do you ask?Well... Maybe because you find difficulty committing to a significant other (a potential life partner).Maybe because you hide your fears from others, even people you are really close to.Maybe because you pretend to yourself that you have no vulnerabilities to hide from others.Maybe. Or maybe...Maybe everyone suffers from some form of fear of intimacy, in one way or another, at one time or another.And maybe this universal fear has its roots in the fear of being alone or fear of abandonment. We cannot let people see into us, for fear they will not like what they see. So maybe this fear is natural.Or maybe it's just another irrational fear - and there are plenty of those waiting to take hold, believe me - doing its best to limit you, to limit me, and to keep all of us 'smaller'.Maybe this fear of intimacy inspirational quote sums it all up nicely..."When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you." -- UnknownMaybe, just maybe, it doesn't really matter if you have an intimacy fear. Maybe what's much more important is that you feel confident in your ability to be close to another, to open yourself up to them; to be strong in the face of their weakness as well as to be strong enough to allow yourself to reveal your weaknesses.So maybe achieving a successful outcome is more important than overcoming a confusing fear.Maybe how to overcome intimacy fear is to face the actual fear that you recognise you have.Maybe it's about trusting in the strength of yourself, trusting in your judgement of others, and then allowing yourself to open up to that significant other.And maybe it's about taking action if you find yourself still unable to do this. (And there are many forms of action to take, like hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), etc.)
So, do I have this so-called intimacy fear? Do you? Maybe.What's important, instead maybe, is taking action in the direction you want to go in your relationships, rather than with fighting elusive fears that can readily transform themselves into others for their survival.A kind of 'focus on the successful outcome rather than the troubling problem' approach.That's what I say, anyway.And maybe you agree.
