subject: I'm Seeing All The Signs He's Having An Affair, But He Still Won't Admit It [print this page] I'm Seeing All The Signs He's Having An Affair, But He Still Won't Admit It
I get a lot of emails from women who say that their boyfriend or husband is exhibiting all of the signs of an affair (caring about his appearance too much, hiding his cell phone or computer, being distant and avoiding intimacy, not being where he says he's going to be, etc.), but when confronted, the men just refuse to admit that anything is going on. They will just continue to deny even though the signs are being held right up to their face. Some will actually turn it around on their wives or girlfriends by either saying that they're clingy, over imaginative, or are making accusations of cheating to distract the attention away from themselves. In the following article, I'll tell you how to best handle this situation.
Accept That You May Just Have To Find Out For Yourself: The statistics on thisare very clear. Very few men will willingly admit to an affair until they absolutely have to because they are caught so red handed that, unless you are blind or can't read what you're seeing, there can be no mistake. Does this make them liars and cheats? Well, only you can decide that. But I do get a lot of them on my blog and they defend themselves by saying that they didn't want or mean to hurt anyone and they knew that if you found out the truth, bad repercussions were going to follow. They figure the best way to buy some time and figure out which way they want to go or whether they want to continue on is to ensure that you don't find out. And the only way to continue the game is to never admit that you've lost it.
There are some men with whom mind games can be played, where you can either guilt, shame, or trick them into telling you the truth, but these guys are, in my experience and research, in the minority. Because once a man is able to cross the bridge and begin to lie to you about what he's doing (and who he's doing it with), then he's already faced and then navigated any moral dilemmas that he may have had. He's already crossed to the dark side and often, once he starts lying, he's unable to stop. Because if he admits the truth now, then he's pretty much admitting to all of the little lies he's told you in connection to this. It's not just one thing he's taking responsibility for, it's likely months worth of lies. It's admitting to you that he risked and did not respect everything that he represented to you and everything that you thought you knew.
So, as hard as this may be to accept, you may not be getting the answers from him, but you can get them. You just have to take matters into your own hands.
Following Where The Clues Lead You: In order to cheat, a man has to spend time with the woman he's cheating with. There will be a time when he must interact with her in person or online. So, the key for you is to be there either in person or by using technology to get this on record. You can easily check his cell phone and even if he has deleted everything, there is software to get it back. You can also put software on his computer that will show you every screen on every web site or chat room or email that has been on your computer. You don't even need the passwords. Using these methods, you can figure out who she is. With this information, you can use reverse look up to find out where she lives. (And, if you're not finding anything, you must suspect that either he is innocent or he's carrying on at work, he has a throwaway phone and / or is using a computer somewhere else.)
Now, you can either follow your man out there (to her, once you find out who she is), have a friend do it, or put a tracker on his car. Use whichever method you are sure that he can't wiggle out of. But, never put your own safety or mental health in jeopardy by putting yourself in a situation that is going to be detrimental to you. It's one thing to know that you won't be lied to and disrespected for any longer, it's another to do something or be part of something that you might very much regret.
I was in this same situation a short time ago. No matter what proof I thought I had, my husband kept right on denying an affair. I finally learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. And I learned psychological tactics that tricked him into wanting to be honest. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can reada very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/
