subject: Never Will I Ever Be My Mom [print this page] Never Will I Ever Be My Mom Never Will I Ever Be My Mom
Kayla Gassaway
Mrs. Overstreet
English 1101
October 19, 2010
Never Will I Ever Be My Mom
The day that I gave birth to my daughter Abigail Harris I realized in that moment that I never want to be a disappointment to her like my mother was to me. Becoming a mom really made me look back at all the things that I wished I could have changed about my mother. I want to give my daughter a life that she is thankful for. Being there for her and sharing every moment with her is the most important thing to me. My mother on the other hand was absent from many of my activities in which I participated in. I want to do better and be better for my daughter. Giving her the life that I never had and having her proud of me is honestly what motivates me through being a young mother.
Fear consumes me every day, as though some monster was on my trail because I am afraid to become my own mother. I never really thought about it until I became a mother myself. Looking back I always thought my mom never showing up to anything was just the way she was. When she was late to my event, that is if she decided to come, I would just overlook it thinking that it was just normal for her. Now that I have a child I think about all the moments I get to share with her, and I worry that maybe after one missed activity she will participate in she will compare me to my mom. That truly scares me because I want to be better for her. I remember how it felt when my mother didn't care enough to get dressed to come see me graduate the fifth grade. She was also absent for my eighth grade graduation. These are important events in a child's life that a good mother would be present for. I definitely don't want Abigail to think that I am a failure as a parent. Being a better mother than my own is very crucial for me.
I did not understand the responsibilities of raising a child when Abigail was born. I am the youngest of four so I really knew nothing about children. My mother by no means took the time to teach me what is exactly required of a mother. She certainly never showed me either. She was always late if she did decide to show up for an event for me. For example, the night of my ring ceremony, she barely made it on time to present me with my ring. After the ceremony I asked, "What took so long for you to get here?" Her reply was, "I did not feel like getting ready for this." It broke my heart. I am very disappointed in her as a mother because a mother should want to see her daughter achieve her hopes and dreams. Also she should have wanted to teach me all the things about being a mother so I could instill them into my own daughter. Now I feel as if I don't know all the responsibilities of being a mother and I could one day be a disappointment for Abigail like my own mother was to me.
Abigail really made me think back about my mother. She was the type that never went anywhere. She was always sitting in her chair in her typical night gown and never had the motivation to do anything with her life. I am very let down that my mother chose to be that way my whole life. I never want Abby to look back and see the same from. Being present for everything in my daughter's life is my ultimate goal. I make sure that I spend extra time with her. We even watch soap operas during the week. I also take her out when I go shopping because that is a bonding moment a mother should share with her child. My mother never did that with me. When it was time for back to school clothes or Christmas clothes, my father usually stepped in and took me shopping. I always make sure that I tell Abby how much I love her and how she means everything to me. For Abigail to be disappointed in me the way I am with my mother would destroy me. Every time I hold her and look in her beautiful eyes I promise her that I will always try to be the best that I can be.
Becoming a mother truly impacted my life. Abigail is all that I am worried about now. I am going to try my hardest not to be my own mother. I don't believe that I could live with myself I knew that Abby thought of me as a disappointment. Giving her a better life and being there for everything she participates in is my priority. Although I was not taught properly how to be a mother, I am learning day to day what is expected of me and I plan to teach Abigail to exceed those same expectations.
