subject: How Can I Save My Marriage When I'm The Only One Trying? – Advice You Can't Afford To Miss! [print this page] How Can I Save My Marriage When I'm The Only One Trying? Advice You Can't Afford To Miss!
Many unhappy spouses have asked me "How can I save my marriage when I'm the only one trying?" Certainly it can be easier when both of you are committed to making the marriage as strong as it can be. And nobody can force someone to stay in a relationship they don't want to be in. But you can change the dynamics of the relationship even without your spouse doing anything. You can cause your spouse to begin to see the marriage in a different way. And you can save your marriage!
I'm not a marriage counselor or therapist and I actually think that might be an advantage considering traditional marriage counseling only has about a 20% success rate in improving marriages! NoI am just a regular married guy who struggled for years in an unhappy relationship which nearly ended. Like so many other men and women, I found myself trying to save my marriage when it really felt like I was the only one trying.
The most important discovery I made was that most people, myself included, end up making some really common mistakes that make a bad situation even worse. Things like begging and pleading, making promises to change, arguing and angry words, constant phone calls or emails, using the kids as a weapon, making threats etc. will really hurt your chances to save your marriage and backfire every time!
It's ironic that what we actually should be doing is more like the complete opposite of what we typically find ourselves doing.
Another discovery that I made was that the more I tried to appeal to my wife and make her want me, the more she seemed to pull away. When I finally let go and no longer acted clingy and desperate, her attitude began to change.
But ultimately, my decision to implement a specific action plan was the key to saving my marriage even though I was initially the only one trying. I found that by saying and doing specific things, I got specific reactions and things began to change.
