subject: How to Keep a Divorce from Hurting Your Mother-Daughter Relationship [print this page] How to Keep a Divorce from Hurting Your Mother-Daughter Relationship
As a single-parent mom, you already have a lot to juggle: working, raising children, and being both homemaker and housekeepernot to mention everything else going on your life. If you're the mom of a tween girl, you're also faced with additional challenges as your daughter begins to go through the rapid physical changes puberty brings, forms a lasting opinion of herself, and finds her own strength and inner beauty. Your to-do list might be miles long, but even if it seems like you can't possibly take on anything more, there are a few simple things you can do to make sure your relationship with your daughter doesn't suffer after the divorce.
Here are three divorce-advice tips to help you keep a good mother-daughter relationship with your tween after the divorce is final.
Divorce Advice for Single-Parent Moms
1. Don't treat her like your best friend or confidant.
Of course you are going through a tough time as you adjust to being a single-parent mom, and your daughter is going through a lot, too. It might be tempting to treat her like your best friend, but you don't want to burden her with adult problems. Don't think your mother-daughter relationship is becoming closer because you tell her every detail that goes through your head. Instead of becoming "best friends," you could really be pushing her away by forcing her to make adult assessments of the divorce and its complexities.
2. Don't give her a guilt-trip her because she wants to spend time with her father.
Girls who have positive relationships with their fathers (especially after a divorce) are more likely to grow up with healthy levels of self-confidence and have healthy relationships. In fact, instead of tearing down or resenting her relationship with her father, you should do everything you can to support it. Read "Help Your Ex Boost Your Daughters' Self-Esteem and Confidence After Divorce" (link to parent article).
It's important to support and encourage visitation between your ex-husband and your daughter. During her tween years, she will already be beginning to separate from him, and a divorce can hasten that feeling because the time she spends with her dad will probably be cut in half. Never make her feel guilty or as if she is choosing between her dad and you.
3. Get on the same page.
Although you won't agree 100 percent of the time, join with your ex-husband in creating similar rules for both homes. Set core rules that will apply to her at both homes as she approaches her teen years. Speak to your ex-husband in advance to get his opinions and his cooperation when you have to administer discipline that could cross over into his visitation time. This way it will be easier for him to support and administer the discipline fairly and consistently in his home, too.
Being a single-parent mom isn't easy, but you can keep your mother-daughter relationship intact by following these three pieces of divorce advice. To read more about how to navigate a relationship with your ex and how it affects your daughter, read Help Your Ex Boost Your Daughters' and Confidence After Divorce.
