subject: How Can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship [print this page] How Can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship
You want to know how you can tell if you're in a relationship that's toxic. Here are a few hints:
- Your partner verbally puts you down in front of other people
- Your partner says (s)he loves you, yet their actions don't support the statement
- Your partner has control issues (s)he reads your email or shows up where you are just to "check on you"
- Your partner does everything they can to make you dependent on them only
- You have made significant changes about yourself just to suit them
When you're around toxic people, they make you feel ill. Then how would someone find themselves in a toxic relationship? Why do people stay with partners who harm them emotionally and physically?
Toxic relationships are cyclical. You'll experience a honeymoon period, followed by a blow out, and then reconciliation. This is where the cycle starts again.
The initial stage of any new relationship is the honeymoon phase. It usually takes a little bit of time for the person to suck you in. Then, usually when it's too late, you realize you're taking part in a toxic relationship. This is the point where it's difficult to back out.
A lot of people who are in toxic relationships grew up in a toxic home. The result is a repeat of the patterns they experienced as a child. People from toxic homes may find themselves thinking this is the best they can do or that this is what they deserve. They may also like taking care of other people. Sadly, this is an unhealthy caregiving situation.
There is a way out of a toxic relationship.
The first thing you have to see is that you do have choices. You deserve more and better than your toxic partner is giving you. Low self esteem or depression may try to keep you in a toxic relationship, but you can get out.
Next, start standing up for yourself. Usually toxic partners teach you that everything's your fault. Once you begin to accept that mentality, it's very difficult to leave the relationship or to create boundaries within the relationship that will allow it to get on a positive path.
A therapy group may be productive to assist you in getting out of a toxic relationship or at least redefining it.
You can either get out of the toxic relationship and move on to new, healthier relationships or you can do what's necessary to heal your current relationship.
Honestly, I believe that most relationships can be saved. If both parties agree to give it 100% effort, the relationship can be renewed in a healthy way. It may take counseling or some time apart from one another, but it's not impossible.
You must first decide that the relationship has to improve or you'll walk away. Not just talk, but be willing to actually leave. If you aren't at least will to do that, the relationship will never be healed.
Once you are free from the dependency which is at the root of the toxic relationship, you can positively assert to your partner what you need from the relationship between you two. You must clearly state what your needs are. It may be, I need your help', I need your trust', or I need your love'.
The other person should be informed and convinced that if you don't get what you need you're prepared to leave the relationship.
Healthy relationships are a two way street. In toxic relationships, there are only one way streets. You can change that. But you must take your power back from your partner and exercise it.
Relationships are difficult to maneuver. If you're in a toxic relationship, you're going to need something that works to help you weave your way out of it and into a healthier situation. The Magic of Making Up is an easy to understand, step-by-step system you can use immediately to help you tell that You're In A Toxic Relationship.
