subject: Anger Mangement & Ways To Curb Anger [print this page] Anger Mangement & Ways To Curb Anger Anger Mangement & Ways To Curb Anger
Anger Management
Human personality is an embodiment of traits & characteristics. These traits & characteristics are affected by different emotions that arise in body due to various interactions in which we involve. Any particular emotion further fuels to particular thought process like:
Change in mood
Willingness to quit any bad habit
To take new resolution
To dismantle a project
To start new venture or alliance &c.
It means emotions determine & change the inner alchemy of human structure. Positive emotions nourish positive thinking. Negative emotions fuels to negative thinking. Anger is also a kind of emotion that arises in body when:
"Results don't match our expectations"
Anger is a rage that forces or compels us to act abruptly & a work done in rage without giving a second thought is devil's work. When we express our anger, be it
E1) By yelling
E2) By ceasing communication
E3) Physical damage or any act which is "not acceptable", it results in negative consequences like
C1) Teams get apart
C2) Bitterness in relations
C3) Mental pressure &c.
If we observe clearly, human being in anger act according to following mentioned Vicious Chain Model (VC model)
Step 1) Results don't match
Step 2) Leads to Anger
Step 3) Unacceptable consequences
Step 4) Negativity- It again leads to anger (Step 2)
VC Model Explanation
When results don't match our expectations, then it yields to anger. When we express our anger by E 1, E 2 or in E3 way mentioned above or by any other way, it results in unacceptable consequences like C1, C2 & C3. Unacceptable consequences lead to negativity which again leads to anger.. In this manner, person cannot comes out of this vicious chain
This VC model is a never ending process which ends mind's peace & happiness & disturbs human apparatus. Just think of the consequences whenever you are about to utter venomous words out of anger
We can actually curb anger by activating Anger Channelize Model (AC Model) in our daily lives
Step 1) Results don't match
Step 2) Leads to Anger
Step 3) Redraw Plans & Points
Step 4) Chance of improvised results
AC Model Explanation
First two steps are same as that of VC model, but instead of expressing anger which leads to unacceptable consequences, we need to redraw our plans by identifying root cause for problem & re-analyze & strategize accordingly.
Then chances of improved results are more
"Fools utter words & then react on consequences"
"Wise think of consequences & utter accordingly"
Wise people can escape anger led situations by mending their words & by asking 3 gentle questions from themselves:
Q 1) Whether these words are humane?
Q2) Whether these words will strengthen the relation or weaken the relation?
Q3) How will I feel when someone will speak same words to me?
Small exercise mentioned above can solve invaluable relations
Consider one parlance:
Smith & Anne are best friends from past 7-8 years. Smith is very focused & streamlined. Anne is very lovable, sensitive & caring. Both have well settled career. They think of settling down as life partners because they are best friends & they know each other's taste, favorite pass time, favorite color, dish &c. Great !!
They got married. After 6-7 months of marriage, Anne started realizing that for Smith, work is of great paramount as compare to family. For him, family come afterwards. Though Anne is also working but she cares about her family as usual. Smith's "not- so-soft " attitude starts creating tension in family which leads to arguments. Arguments lead to differences. Anne wants divorce now & wants to get rid of daily confrontations
Smith is not able to understand that what is happening & how to solve this?
What do you think? Is divorce an optimum solution? Anne knew from their college days that Smith is very focused and streamlined towards anything he does !!
Smith knew from beginning that Anne is very very caring & sensitive towards family & him. !!
If they know each other so well than why they are arguing & rushing towards divorce ?
Because a personality trait which was a quality earlier now becomes an obstacle in relation. Is it right to sign a divorce & put such a beautiful & lovable relation to an end?
No!!
They need to redraw things. They need to recall & cherish the happy time they spent with each other & try to find a balanced & "not-so-imposing" solution. AC model that we discussed tells us how to channelize anger & to make positive out of it.
Anger level & intentions behind anger varies from situation to situation. Sometimes anger leads to positive results also
For eg: Mother expresses her anger towards her child for skipping his homework. Anger rises because of intense love & care for her child as her child is not behaving as per her expectations. Parents help in constructing their child's future. So we can expect positive out of it
Handy & quick ways to curb anger:
Try to be silent, breathe deeply, be calm & think of consequences
Think of beautiful moments you have spent with your friend or partner whenever you are forced by your emotions to act negatively
Have fresh fruits daily or at least have fresh juice daily because food we have impact directly on our behavior
Try to meditate or be silent for at least 20 minutes daily. During silence, try to imagine yourself standing nearby sea shore during dawn or dusk, try to imagine yourself relaxing in a cozy lap of you spouse or mother. It helps in controlling rage or negative emotions
Try to go out for walk in nearby garden during with calm mind so that you would be able to listen birds chirping & appreciate nature for giving us a fresh green blanket to relax. By being close to nature, we can learn to express gratitude & to cope up with stress
You cannot pull your words back that you have uttered in anger which were enough to break relations. But you can control your emotions & amend your words before you speak in order to save beautiful relations
