subject: Ruin Your Resume in 12 Easy Steps [print this page] Ruin Your Resume in 12 Easy Steps Ruin Your Resume in 12 Easy Steps
It's incredibly easy to ruin a good resume. Just follow these twelve simple steps.
1. Never proofread or use a spell-checker.
Misspelled words and bad grammar are a surefire way to demonstrate your keen attention to detail.
2. Use plenty of acronyms and abbreviations.
Be sure to mention your expertise in "SDSR" and "Adv. Nt. App. Dv." without giving any more information. All of those arcane terms will surely show off your superior intelligence. The hiring manager will have no choice but to call you in for an interview just to explain it all!
3. Generalize.
Make your resume as vague as possible. Talk about your "multiple cross-functional contributions to numerous high-profile project development efforts." With such a breadth of experience like that, who wouldn't hire you?
4. Provide your craziest email address.
Something that starts like "chunkymonkey76" lets people know you take your career seriously.
5. Embellish your accomplishments.
Discuss how you've single-handedly solved every problem you been given -- ahead of schedule and under budget, too! Let your resume be a testament to your unfaltering honesty and solid integrity.
6. Use a small font size.
If your resume is difficult to read, hiring managers will have to spend more time looking at it, right? They'll also have a wonderful time trying to scan and photocopy it, too!
7. Choose a stylish font.
The fancier and more difficult to read, the better. Your resume might get noticed if it's mistaken for a wedding invitation.
8. Use a creative document layout.
Everyone appreciates post-modern art, don't they? The hiring manager won't be able to figure out where to start reading, but at least it looks cool!
9. Provide an unrealistic objective.
Make it so sugary that people will think you're running for Miss America. This will help the reader tune out within the first line.
10. Include your political affiliation and involvement.
Surely everyone thinks the same way you do. And even if some people don't, they'll certainly look forward to the uncomfortable debates at the water cooler every morning.
11. List all of your college courses.
It's staggering to count the number of high-tech companies specifically looking for candidates who have English 101 under their belt. It's a good thing you mentioned it!
12. Use a discount printer.
No one will notice those black streaks running down the page.
