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subject: Store Clerk Threatened By Flesh Eating Bacteria [print this page]

From Grungeland Headquarters in Seattle, Washington, comes a funny

shoplifting story. (Cue the Kurt Cobain music...oh wait...that's not

very uplifting.) Anywho, a Seattle man who escaped police is facing

assault charges, on allegations that he exposed himself to a Radio

Shack store clerk, brandished a knife and threatened the clerk, with

exposure to flesh eating bacteria.

According to the fuzz in Seattle, a gentleman known as Anthony

Joseph Urga attempted to steal two iPod Nano's, but was spotted by a

sharp eyed store clerk. When Sharpeye and another employee

confronted Urga, he coughed up the iPods, but refused to open his

backpack, so they could discover whether or not he had stolen

anything else.

Urga then pleaded with the employees to let him leave, claiming that

he was sick. They refused, so Urga "dropped trou," exposing his

private parts, then claiming that he was exposing them to "flesh

eating bacteria." Then he drew a knife, but was tackled, before he

could unfold the blade.

He was then arrested and taken to jail, but was refused admission,

due to an unspecified medical condition. He was then taken to

Harborview Medical Center, where he walked out of the emergency room

and into the night. He still has not been found.

A $50,000 dollar reward and warrant have been issued for his arrest.

It's all sort of strange, isn't it? Radio Shack actually had an

employee that was awake and functioning.

A man who is exposing himself, claiming to have a flesh eating

bacterial infection is tackled into submission.

He is refused admission to jail, because of a medical condition.

(What sort of condition keeps you out of jail?)

He disappears.

What is the world coming to, when a Radio Shack employee has more on

the ball than the cops?

In another startling development over the weekend, President Obama

threw in with the folks who want to build a mosque at Ground Zero.

Then, he clarified what he meant and then a clarification to the

clarification was issued by the White House. So we all now know

where he stands on the issue. His fellow travelers, (those Democrats

up for re-election), must wish there was somewhere they could send

him and the human gaffe machine, Joe Biden.

The New York Congressional delegation is hiding out in the

Catskills, hoping that there is no cell phone service out there, and

that reporters are unfamiliar with the territory. They can avoid the

question for a couple of weeks, but you can be sure that they don't

want to be asked, "Do you support President Obama on the Ground Zero

mosque?" Tick...Tick...Tick...

El Presidente needs some advice on how to tune up his head. And I'm

just the guy to tell him how he can do it, but it might be too late

to get any results.

1. He needs to drink more water, because I think he's dehydrated,

which causes serious brain damage.

2. He definitely needs to be on pharmaceutical grade fish oil. Lack

of fish oil is linked to diminished intellect.

3. Berries of all sorts are highly recommended for the President.

4. Green tea would improve his mental alertness.

5. Eggs. They would enhance his memory and reduce his fatigue. (Or

should we eat more eggs, because we're fatigued?)

Just a few suggestions for the fearless leader.

Oh...and don't bother campaigning in New York. Unless Charley Rangel

needs help.

by: Dr.Bill

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