subject: Feelings at the Helm [print this page] Feelings at the Helm Feelings at the Helm
"And I can tell you know how hard this life can be, but you keep on smiling for me." -Gnarls Barkley
Dear Reader,
I want to hear your opinion of an an idea that has been gnawing at my brain for three weeks. It came to me via Dennis Prager, the radio talk show host, during a lecture at El Camino College. The topic was feelings, and how we have made them our god. Our feelings, he argued, are what we care most about, but unfortunately for us, they are what those around us care least about. Our neighbors care about their own feelings. When it comes to us, they care about how we act, not how we feel.
Imagine your roommate comes home and slams the door. Which do you think about? Their feelings, or their actions? Now imagine your roommate comes home and greets you with a wazuuuup and a high five. Which do you think about? Their feelings? No, it's how they express those feelings; it's how they act. Feelings do come into the scenedon't fret, psych majorsbut not until later.
It was a riveting lecture (and I never use riveting), and I agreed with almost every word. Almost.Here is the one idea that I could not, and still cannot get passed: He argued that we should act happy even when we are not.
When you read it, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Seems phony, right? That's the first thing that comes to my mind. He thinks we should act happy, even when we are not? Even when we are having a crappy day? The idea makes me uneasy. It makes me think of Ned Flanders.
But disagreeing with Dennis is a difficult taskhe's not only an intellectual giant but he's also charming. He states his ideas so clearly, it's confusing; he's so likable, it's displeasing.
"I use apricot scented deodorant," he said, "because my natural scent is awful. Yet nobody accuses me of acting phony for that! What do I care if I am acting inauthentically in this regard? Even more importantly, what do you care? Would you rather sit next to someone who reeked of body odor, or who smelled like a fruit?"
If we are unashamed of acting phony in one way, why are we ashamed of doing it in another? Also, since acting happy benefits those around us, aren't we almost obligated to do it? We all hate being around an Eor, but we all love being around a Tigger.
His final point was his strongest. "Even if you are having a lousy day," he said, "try to act happy. You will find that, after a while, you will no longer be faking it, but will actually have cheered up."
Smiles and laughter are contagious and directly affect our moods. Smile at a stranger and they will probably smile back. This, in turn, will make you happier than you already were. Dennis suggested that we should act happy even when we are sad because the result will be the same.
I am still torn after three weeks of grappling. When I am sad, I want to act sad. This feels right to me. But there I go already. It feels right. Should my feelings control me, or should external principles, such as the one Dennis laid out? Acting authentically is noble, but so is smiling in order to cheer up the downcast checkout clerk.
The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle. I'm not sure where I stand. How about you, my reader? Are your feelings in command, or are you guided by external truths? Here's an even better question for you: If you were that downcast checkout clerk, who would you rather ring up? Eor, or Ned Flanders?
