subject: 10 Tips to Help You Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work [print this page] 10 Tips to Help You Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work
It's one of those things that's tough for the closest of couples: the long distance relationship. It's one of the few times where you can have a partner, but be lonely has heck. To make it through a short term - or long term - long distance relationship, you have to be dedicated and persevering. Here then, are a few tips for making it.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #1: Plan things out with your partner.
The first and best thing you can do when it comes to long distance relationships, is to plan things out beforehand. How are you going to keep in touch? By phone, or email... or Facebook? How often will you contact each other? Do you want to talk during set days of the week, or just when your schedules permit it? Is there a plan for you to meet face-to-face, or will that not be possible? These are all key questions to ask, because you don't want one person expecting daily contact, and the other expecting a quick chat once a week. So plan things out so you know where you both stand on these key issues.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #2: Agree on contact frequency.
You're going to be away from each other for a time, so you're going to have to keep in touch... but how often? Is it possible to contact your partner too frequently, even though you can't be near them? The answer is yes. While it's true that being away from your parter is difficult, think about how often you would contact them if they lived in the same city as you. If the answer is a couple times a week, then don't start calling them every day, because it'll seem unnatural, and it could make things awkward. Similarly, you don't want to force yourself to contact your partner too often. If you've just had an awful day at work and you're not feeling up to it, don't force a conversation. And don't forget the old adage that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Use the physical distance between you as a way to keep things exciting, and make you anxious to hear your soulmate's voice or read their email.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #3: Decide on the contact media.
You have to keep in touch. So the question is: how? Is it going to be email, phone, Skype, instant messaging, Twitter, Facebook.... The possibilities these days are endless. But you have to choose something, and stick to it. If you agree with your partner that you'll keep in touch with Facebook, and then you find that you never have time to log on, that's a big problem. You have to keep it practical, and that means using a media that comes naturally to you. In other words, if you're a phone junkie who hates writing, don't pretend that you're going to start writing a serialized novel every day, because it won't happen. Keep things simple, and easy. Do what comes naturally.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #4: Nothing beats looking into their eyes.
Writing and talking are two great ways to communicate with your partner. Nothing warms the heart like touching email, or hearing your partner's voice. But it's just not the same as looking into your partner's eyes. So invest in a webcam, and add that extra dimension into your long-distance relationship. Even if it's only for a few minutes, a face-to-face talk with that special someone in your life will keep things alive and fresh. And invest in a good webcam: you want to be able to see them loud and clear.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #5: Don't forget special occasions.
When you spend a long period of time away from your partner, it's easy to forget the "relationship" part of your life and fall into a more "me-centric" attitude. While this may be perfectly normal, it's not something you should accept. You have to keep the little joys of being with someone alive, and one way to do that is to remember special occasions. So don't forget birthdays, and anniversaries. And don't forget the other smaller events that may also mean a lot to your partner. If you're forgetful, create reminders for yourself in your calendar, and when the time comes, send your soulmate a little note that will bring a smile to their face.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #6: Use the one-liner to your advantage.
What's a one liner? Well, in the case of long-distance relationships, it's not a joke, but a quick note written to your partner that'll make them feel great. It has to be short and sweet, but meaningful. For your one-liner to work, it has to be text based (a phone call won't work), so email or SMS it to your soulmate. Try it - it's easy as pie. For example, send off a quick "I love you," or "I miss you," or "Just watched our fav program and I was thinking of you!". The objective is to catch your partner off guard to surprise them and bring that warm fuzzy feeling to their heart. It works like a charm, and it's one of the easiest ways to spice up a long-distance relationship.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #7: Break the rules.
Okay, so I've given you a bunch of tips. Maybe you can call them rules. But here's the thing: rules are made to be broken. So if at any time you feel like you're being predictable - which is the worst thing to be when it comes to long-distance relationships - break the rules. Be a little crazy. Don't take any stupid risks, but do something out of the ordinary. All relationships get into comfortable routines which sometimes need to be broken in order to keep things from getting boring. Long distance relationships are no exception, and, in fact, they're even more sensitive to lulls in excitement. So break the routine and break the rules occasionally.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #8: Don't let silences freak you out.
Distance has a bad way of amplifying silences. An email that takes a day longer than usual to be responded to, or a returned call takes a bit more time to come might freak you out. Don't worry: it's normal. A busy day or a sudden fire at work can keep your partner from getting to the computer/phone. It can be perfectly innocent, but when your partner is miles away, it can be distressing. The key is for both parties to accept the fact that things will come up occasionally that will delay responses, and that they're not a big deal. So if silences happen, take a deep breath, and be patient.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #9: You'll get depressed, but don't worry - that's normal.
You're away from your partner. You're here, and they're somewhere else - so guess what? You're going to get down about it from time to time. Don't let getting down get you down. Realize that it's normal, and that it's temporary. Now, that's not to say that it's easy, but you can do something about it. One trick is to accept it and let yourself be depressed for a fixed period that you decide. Let's say two days. After that, you have to knock yourself out of it. By using this trick, you don't fight the inevitable (that you're going to feel sad), but you also won't allow yourself to get stuck in a funk that will drag on forever.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work - Tip #10: Tell them you love them.
This should be obvious, but tell them you love them. Don't hold back because you're trying to be cool (because you're not). Just say the words, and mean it every time. How often you tell your soulmate you love them if up to you - do whatever feels natural - but whatever you do, don't forget!
Mitch Conway is the author of The Go-Getter's Guide To Finding Your Soulmate, the first dating guide designed to help singles save time and become more proactive at meeting people. To fin
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