subject: How To Deal With Arguments To Help Save Your Marriage [print this page] There is a study that says up to 70% of all marital disagreements will not be solved. That is an amazing fact to behold and it is not very reassuring for people who would like to get married someday or who are already in a marital relationship. No wonder disagreement is just one of the popular reasons for divorce.
Why do married couples disagree most of the time? Couples are still two individuals. They have different view points, opinions, comments and suggestions. They may like and dislike some things together but in some cases, there will be difference in judgment, hobbies, activities and reasoning. Even twin brothers and sisters are not that alike in terms of thinking, what more are two individuals who grew up in different atmosphere and culture and would eventually live under the same house for the rest of their lives?
In a marriage, argument stems from a lot of topics. A healthy relationship sometimes involves arguments but they agree to disagree because you just cannot change the viewpoint of one person. You can do this to your own relationship just as long as it is helpful in your case and not demeaning in any way. If a husband and wife argues about the same thing over and over again, then that is the time it can lead to a harmful relationship. In this case, you have to give way or you have to meet in the middle. If your partner wants you to help out more inside the house and you said you are too tired to do so, you can reach an agreement instead of doing one thing or the other. You can divide the household chores so you can still help out at home without being too tired coming home from your day job.
Instead on focusing on the conflict at hand, both the husband and wife should focus more on how to resolve the situation. If the conflict has no solution or if it is too petty to give an effort to, better stay away from it. You can instead spend time playing with your kids or relaxing with each other than taking time to argue about small problems such as who will get to hold the remote control, who takes the turn to wash the dishes or who left the water running in the faucet.
During an argument, aside from focusing on the solution, take careful notice on your actions. Do not quickly place the blame on your spouse for it can trigger being defensive on his or her part. Do not shout at each other and do not say hurtful words because this will not solve anything and will in fact worsen the problem. Voice out your opinion but take the time to listen to the opinion of your spouse as well.
Confrontation is hard on husband and wife for words can hurt deeply. However, there are moments when this is recommended. You cannot just avoid every conflict for it will leave a silent scar in you and in your spouse. Eventually, that scar will turn into deep resentment and the next thing you know, separation is knocking on your door.
