subject: Mending Fences With Your Spouse [print this page] Mending Fences With Your Spouse Mending Fences With Your Spouse
How about your marriage today?Is it flourishing or shattering?Are you counting reasons why you should separate from your spouse?Is your life threatened due to incompatibility with your spouse?Have you concluded that the best option is to back out of the union not minding the resultant effect on your children?Is there a marriage adviser out there telling you to disregard and divorce your spouse now?
Maybe you're emotionally separated from your spouse though living under the same roof.You hardly see eye to eye.Almost always it is one argument other.Perhaps there is serious communication gap between the two of you .
Here is a word for you if you're in such a case .There is hope for you .Indeed every misunderstanding or disagreement can be resolved permanently if only you will learn and apply the following principles.Various challenges,sometimes insignificant ones,make many marriages break down.You must not allow this.
A family may become completely destitute,lacking the basic essentials of life,because the husband fails to provide them,though being able to do so.If such a man refuses to change his ways,the wife may be pushed to protect her welfare and that of her children by obtaining a legal separation.Refusal to care for ones family may result in serious marital crisis.
An abusive spouse may act so violently that the abused mate's health and even life are in danger.Fits of anger and a practice of violent behaviour are grounds for family disintegration.
Unfaithfulness to ones spouse is viewed as basis for separation of many marriages.Indeed most married people find s this act very despicable that the decide to back out of the union to save their life even if it means abandoning their children.
Children from such broken homes suffer psychologically,mentally,
physically,emotionally,and socially.The consequences of separation are very grave.The children feel unloved and insecure.This can affect their thinking,school performance and life generally.In the long run,the society at large is affected negatively.
Those who are married are expected to remain faithful the marriage vow.Since marriage is a sacred arrangement,separation is not to be taking lightly.Each couple should make deliberate efforts to ensure that broken or threatened relationships are mended.While marriage counselors and friends may offer support and free counsel,they can not know all the details of what goes on between a husband and a wife.For obvious reasons,a wife would not be honouring the marriage arrangement if she exaggerates the seriousness of her domestic problems just to live separately from her husband or vice.
This calls for real and close co-operation between the couples to mend the relationship.Break down in communication always breaks down the bond of love.Keep communication channel open.Talking to one another will help you convey your intentions well.Most domestic problems will disappear if couples will learn to speak the right words at the right time.
In certain extreme situations,it's wise to create an opportunity for only two of you to talk over matters.Listen to your spouse with a willingness to to understand his/her feelings.You should control your emotions;carefully and cautiously choose your words.In addition,objectively examine yourself to see where you're probably at fault.Apologize for your faults,promising and determining not to repeat them.Seek the well-being of your spouse and soften your heart and stance for him/her.If you're offended,never nurse a feeling of revenge but forgive.
Furthermore,you need to consider the following in your interaction with your spouse in order to maintain peace and harmony in your family.Always offer sincere apology when necessary.Always concentrate when discussing with your spouse.Don not bring past offence into present situation in your speech.Avoid destructive criticism and condemnation when you speak.Avoid personal attack or blame-shifting.
I strongly believe that as you follow the steps enumerated above through proper communication the relationship will be amended.
