subject: What The Psychology Of Infidelity Means For Avoiding Infidelity [print this page] The psychology of infidelity is a very important factor in determining why men (and women) cheat on their partners. Infidelity includes the act of committing adultery, and some people go further and talk about "emotional infidelity." Most people would likely talk about this or that reason for committing infidelity, but behind those rationales are the psychology that must be analyzed because it involves feelings, and avoiding infidelity requires understanding what is on the cheater's mind when he commits the act.
Women, in particular, are concerned by their spouses' infidelity. The threat to both meaning and belonging, and in many cases to their livelihood, is infidelity's very definition for a woman, even though what defines infidelity for a man is quite different. Some women are so worried that they ask, "Why do men check out other women?" expecting the men are committing some form of infidelity. Men understand that it doesn't mean anything to look.
Why are men unfaithful?
Insecurity makes a person feel unworthy. The unfaithful man might be experiencing a rough road in his marriage. He may be worried about his marriage failing. He may be afraid of losing his children. Another woman may provide him a sense of comfort and security. Counseling would be better, but it is more painful and difficult in the short run.
Another aspect of the psychology of infidelity is control. Some men need to dominate, but their spouses won't be dominated. Having an affair may give him the sense of control he is looking for.
The opposite reason is possible. Successful men may feel it is their prerogative to have many women. There are plenty of other species where the males battle each other for the females. The male desire for "variety" is the product of natural selection. It increases their contribution to the gene pool.
The most important aspect is neglect. This is the most common reason given by people who got involved in extramarital affairs. The spouse may be busy with work or taking care of their children, and the partner may be unintentionally neglected. He feels frustrated. He doesn't see the situation improving. He takes action on his own. The adulterer is longing for the physical and emotional attention that he finds in another's arms.
Understanding these psychological aspects will help couples cope with the stress that their union may bring. All couples will go through adjustment periods in their married lives, and this is a very challenging endeavor. To make your marriage work, you must manifest loyalty and effort. Never do anything that might make your spouse lose your trust. Whenever there are conflicts, either of you should make the effort for its resolution.
Communication is the most important thing. It is also the hardest. When disagreements and frustrations arise, words become weapons rather than means of communication. Then, not speaking creates a gap, and speaking creates a chasm. It is best never to accuse, but to speak of your own feelings, disappointments, frustrations, pain, expectations, your love, admiration, and continued commitment.
Communication is a problem for men. Men find it hard to talk about feelings. Women find it easy. Being outclassed by women on this is a threat to men's feelings of competence. Feelings of incompetence are a serious threat to men.
Fight constructively. Talk about the behavior, not the person. You should also be sensitive to each other's feelings. When you want to confront your spouse, first empathize so that you will know what he will feel about what you have to say to him. In this way, you can choose the right words to say so as not to hurt his feelings. Never confront him when other people are listening. An audience would require him to "win" in order to save face.
Lastly, keep the intimacy alive. It is an expression of love that is shared exclusively between husband and wife. The desire should always be there.
Marriage is not just simply a decision to make once; it requires hard work, love, sharing, compromise and intimacy. If you understand the psychology of infidelity, you can take the actions necessary to prevent a breakup.
